Well, this week took an interesting turn!
Just one week ago I posted that I joined a dating app and that I was open to love finding me. Through that app, I met two interesting men, even venturing out on a date with one of them last Tuesday. The date with the one man and the conversations with the other led me to one startling revelation- I am NOT built for these dating streets.
Maybe I am selfish (as the one man implied) because I recognize that God has called me to a phenomenal place and I am not willing to walk away from that for anyone. Maybe I am delusional for believing that someone would meet me on the path that God has carved out for me and intentionally walk with me. Maybe I am too far in the clouds to see that my non-negotiables are too rigid to attract any man.
Maybe. Or maybe I was too focused on the wrong things in life.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God…”
Matthew chapter 6 is my far, one of my most beloved chapters of the Bible. Other classics include 1 Samuel 1 and 16, Psalm 23 and 27, and Job 1… but I digress. In Matthew 6, we read so many life-lessons, beginning with the importance of fasting (and how to fast), all the way down to how we should pray (especially if we do not know how to do so). But right at the end, Jesus gives us more wisdom by telling us why we should not worry about anything. Bob Marley’s famous words came LONG after Jesus spoke it but they are still true- do not worry about a single thing. However, if you travel all the way down to verse 33 you will read all that you need to know about life, that if we seek God first, everything else that we need will be added to our life.
All if it will be added to us… if we dare seek God and His kingdom first. Understand that I am NOT saying that life will be perfect or without its trials, but I am saying that God will be right there beside us and we will never have to worry about a thing.
And, maybe, I was seeking the wrong thing.
I wanted what I thought was missing from my life so badly that I was overlooking the obvious- God wanted me to seek Him, not those other things.
Earlier this month when my heart shattered in a million pieces, I decided to seek God in a different, more intentional way. He led me to Collect the pieces of my heart and then Organize them for service in Him. Now, God is calling me to Place these pieces in His hand and allow Him to use them as He sees fit. Oddly enough, I was not expecting how God would move, and now the man that I mentioned a few posts ago, God elevated him from being “just a friend” to now being my man.
In the months that I’ve known this man, I have seen one thing- his heart, integrity, and dedication are like none other. He has a passion for learning that causes him to dig deeper than surface level for everything that is presented to him. He is intelligent beyond words- never satisfied with status quo- choosing to continue to better himself in every possible way. He is a friend to all, having never met a stranger and befriending all that pass him in life. And did I mention that he is insanely attractive??? The beauty of all that is within him radiates out in the best way, making him both attractive in the conventional way and in unconventional ways. This man is a fierce cheerleader and supporter of my heart’s passions, while also being a humble soul who partners with me and willingly joins me on my healing journey. Sorry, not sorry for the segment on him; I just wanted to express my heart’s joy and gratitude in a new way!
Beloved, once your heart has been shattered by life and its messiness, you must collect those pieces, organize them into what must stay and what must grow, and then place all pieces in the capable hands of our Abba who just wants to make you whole again. That’s where I am today, in the “Becoming Whole Again” stage of my life. Of all the dreams I dared to dream this year, the biggest one was my desire for wholeness. Yes, it’s an ongoing process, but it starts with my heart’s determination to be whole and my soul’s desire to let God be the One to mend it all.
To my guy, I thank you for being who you are and for how you grow me.
To my God, I thank You for taking the broken pieces of my life and making me whole again.