The Research, the Read, and the Real Thing

In all of my years of dating, no one had ever done that before.

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My healing journey and journey towards authorship began in January 2017. What started as me [incorrectly] answering the call to ministry, eventually grew into a vlog confessional that led to a website and hundreds of posts to come. I never wanted any of this and, at times, I still run from this entire idea of sharing every part of me. (God, do I have to share that part, too? Do people really want to hear about my trials???) Yet and still, I persist because it’s not about me- it’s about God and how He wants to help others heal.

In the five years since this ministry’s birth, I have experienced many seasons of singlehood and met so many men. For some, I knew from the jump that they weren’t who God ordained for me and I ghosted them (not my proudest confession) immediately. Others, I was a little slow to the start and I didn’t notice just how destructive our situationship was until it was too late. But from each man, I learned a bit more about myself and God’s undying love for M.E..

And then I met this guy.

Full disclosure, I just met this man. I went to a friend’s house for a get-together… that was actually designed to introduce us. He is a friend of my friend and we were both invited under the pretense of being “matched” with the other person. Picture of room full of married couples and two lone, single people. Awkward is an understatement! But he made it a smooth encounter by bringing a card game to both break the ice and get to know me- I mean, us. I had been given his name and a snapshot of one of his social media pages in advance but I wanted to see his face before our arranged meeting… so I went to Facebook. “OK, he’s handsome!“, I thought to myself. I was put at ease and just waited for our formal introduction. I didn’t know much about him but I knew he was good-looking and that he had an unusual first name. Let this journey begin….

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Five months ago my relationship with my long-term boyfriend ended and I started what has been dubbed the “Season of M.E.”. I wasn’t looking for anyone but I was fully open to whomever God chose to send my way. In these past five months, I’ve met and dated a number of men… but this most recent one stood out for one main reason- he did his homework.

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Imagine pouring close to $600 per year (or more) into your business for overhead costs and taxes, but no one chose to support your business. How would you feel? Well, that’s about how much I pay for taxes and web services yet when men find out my first and last name, they do not take a moment to “investigate” who I am and what I do. With every man prior to this gentleman, I sent links to my website because I pour so much of me into my site and, if a man dare venture over to my site, many questions would be answered and clarity given instantly. From my site you know about my past trauma; the fact that I’m vegan, sober, and celibate; and you learn that I love to write. Yet no one has ever taken the time to venture on their own (and barely when prompted by me)… except this man.

And not only did he go, but he read, listened to, and gave insight on my content. Whew! That’s rare!

But let me clarify for just a minute. What’s rare is not that a man visited my site, but that a man cared enough about getting to know me as a person, that they sidestepped the beauty and ventured into the brains. I’m more than the clothes that I wear and the curvature (in the right places) of my body. And although I love them, I’m more than my eyes, lips, and smile. There are levels to me and it was a blessing to meet someone who saw all of those external things, but truly wanted to know more about me.

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Men take note, women like to know that you are interested in EVERY aspect of their being. What that brain do? What does her heart look like? Let’s make a paradigm shift by appreciating more than looks.

Women take note, Proverbs 31:30 says, “charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Simply, looks fade and you better have more to offer a man than your external features. Look introspectively- what do you bring to the relationship table?

Personally and humbly, I am the table. I know who I am and what I contribute to any relationship, friendship, or encounter. My worth is not determined by the appreciation of others but is solely found in the heart of my Abba. If a man sees that, great for him! If he doesn’t, his loss. What do I bring to the table? Nothing; the table is M.E.

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But I digress….

Again, full disclosure, I don’t know what (if anything) will happen with this man. He is phenomenal and I thoroughly enjoy our conversations, but only God knows what the future holds. He could be a friend for life or someone who is just here for a brief season- whatever the case, I’m going to enjoy this time and not think about the future. But already this very attractive man with a powerful, yet unusual name has taught me one valuable lesson- I am worth the research, the read, and the real thing.

Be blessed.