For a moment there, I thought I was all alone. I truly thought that I was that magical unicorn that you always hear about, but that you secretly know does not even remotely exist. I had been walking in my own lane for so long that I couldn’t even fathom the concept of someone being in a similar lane right next to me.
Yet there he was, my long-time friend and colleague, riding alongside me in a parallel lane.
Before we go too far, let me address the elephant in the room- I talk about men a lot and that may be overwhelming to you. It’s ok. You will either get over it and pray with me… or you’ll hate it and go to a different page. Either way, I will always tell my truth here and I pray that you pray with me as I share my heart.
Sharing my heart means sharing every high and low. However, sharing my heart does not mean that every step of my walk will be easy. Right now I’m sitting in a season of coping with feelings of loneliness, exhaustion, and angst. Call me crazy, but I thought that by this age, some things would just be easier when in reality, things are just as complicated as they were before.
I’m single. (Not too much of a problem…)
And I’m celibate. (PROBLEM!!!!)
The question that I get asked the most is some version of “how do you honestly expect to date in 2022 if you are unwilling to engage in any and all forms of sexual activity?” Well, Friend, I truly don’t know. PAUSE… spare me the lectures on how marriages fail daily and one shouldn’t wait until then to find out if they are sexually compatible with their partner. Spare me the questions that center around what I am “willing to do.” Spare me the judgment, assuming that I think I’m better than other people because I do not put out. Spare me the puppy dog eyes and pathetic stares as you silently think, “poor thing, she will never get a man…” I’ve heard it all before. I’ve thought it all before. Yet I have decided that I’m worth more than your or my own thoughts.
Who knows, I probably am the only celibate woman left in the world and with my celibacy beliefs, I may never… yeah, I’m not finishing that sentence. But all I know is that teaching one thing and living another- that level of hypocrisy- was killing me from the inside out and I couldn’t live like that anymore. The weight of my sins, consuming me so much that I just fell deeper and deeper into a place that I did not want to be. That’s too heavy and I refuse to sit in that place of brokenness for another moment.
But my colleague… he gets it. As I ride in this lane of celibacy, I learned that he, too, is riding in the lane next to me. Hmph, he even said that he’s met women who don’t believe/respect his decision to be celibate. Why is it so hard to believe that some people are genuinely more interested in knowing and appreciating the inside of a potential partner, than taking advantage of their physique? I mean, what’s wrong with that? Maybe, just maybe, we need to stop placing such a high value on the things that are temporary, can be bought, and fade away. Again, turn to Proverbs 31:30 for a quick overview of what is important about a woman…
Beloved, what are you currently dealing with right now that causes you to feel alone and isolated? I want to encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and realize that you are not alone. As you walk through this journey called life, I need you to remember that our Abba walks with you and He often sends people to travel alongside us as we navigate our own lane… even if that person travels in a parallel lane.