WHEW! I submitted my letter of resignation to the school system on Friday evening. :-O I am moving on to pursue a full time position in banking and I couldn’t be happier. This is a position that combines everything that I love (helping people and computing numbers) and gives me a flexible schedule that allows me to still balance family, faith, and sleep. (Y’all know I love sleep.) Funny thing is, for 10 consecutive days leading up to my resignation, God had been telling me that He was shifting me and that I needed to trust Him… and, of course, for 10 consecutive days I moved to the beat of my own drums.
I’m trying y’all, I’m really trying…
So on this Monday afternoon as I sit in orientation, I have one brief message to share with you all. Clear your schedule for the next hour. Hit “Do Not Disturb” on your phone. Kill all open apps on your phone. And, of course, open your heart for a ready prayer.
About 2 years ago I posted a blog with the same title. Upon reviewing it yesterday, I realized that I still hadn’t learned much in the years that passed. In fact, I was still struggling with really letting go and letting God have control of my life. As my sistah-friend said, I trust God and I love Him, but I just haven’t relinquished control. I am so used to being in control that I don’t even know how to step back and let God be God.
What does it look like to relinquish control?
One of my favorite references that I always use when trying to help other people relinquish control is this: God is the Creator of all things and the Maker of this maze of a life. If He is the Maker, then why would I try to outsmart or maneuver away from the One who knows how everything works? It’s a valid question… to ask others… yet, for some reason, I never process the question for myself.
Relinquishing control looks like that moment when you step into the pool and release your legs to commence swimming. You have no fear. You trust that the water will hold you even if you are not strong enough to move your arms and legs. You see the water, but you don’t fully understand its strength. You don’t need to; you just trust its power.
That is relinquishing control. Now, how do you actually do that? That is the part that I am still trying to figure out. God created me to be a natural leader and an administrative person. I am all too familiar with recognizing authority but also stepping into a position of supportive leadership. I can’t say that I am a problem solver, but I am definitely one who sees a problem and works diligently to prevent future problems. I learn best from my mistakes; I learn best when I fail. Yet despite knowing all of that, God is calling me to trust Him and let Him lead my life. He is calling me to fully lean on Him and from there He will handle everything. Yes, He wants me to paddle at times, but the majority of the time He wants me to just spread out and float as He guides the water.
So you know what time it is… it’s time for me to ask a question and you go to God and discuss the answer. Ready for the question? Are you sure? Ok, here you go:
What are you still holding onto that you know you need to give to God. Beloved, are you ready to relinquish control?
Well, are you? I know I am. I am clinging for dear life to Proverbs 3: 5-6 and Matthew 11:29. I am ready to step into the pool of life, take a deep breath, and gently ease on my back, trusting God to do the rest. I want to give Him control of my life and heart- working when and how He needs- but trusting most of all. Can you see that? Can you trust that? What a beautiful site that will be.
PS- I have to explain my picture. Yesterday at church during the meet and greet, I walked around and met the CUTEST toddler, Aubrey. She came into my arms and we walked around greeting the other church-goers. There was a moment when she saw my elephant necklace and complimented me on it. But, then she added that elephants reminded her of her dad who was “in heaven now.” My heart melted and my hands unclasped the necklace from my neck and placed it on hers. I love elephants because they are leaders and fearless, while also being very vulnerable. If that elephant necklace could bless the heart and life of young Aubrey, I pray that this elephant would do the same to yours. Be strong. Be bold. Be fearless. Be vulnerable.
One Reply to “Relinquishing Control… still.”