I’ve got nothing.
If you know me, you know that I start working on my #MondayMessage on Fridays, with a scheduled post made by Sunday afternoon. By Mondays at noon I am sitting back, watching others respond to the post and thanking God for the word He sent.
However as of yesterday at 7pm, I had nothing. Actually, I had less than nothing. Typically when I have “nothing” I at least have a poem or mini message to share. This time, I’ve got nothing.
So as I sat at my computer yesterday, watching Christmas movies on Netflix (don’t judge me too much) and drinking my hot tea, I asked God why my tank was running on empty. His response?
Because you need to surrender.-God
Seriously, why is God so direct with me? It’s like He has no filter when it comes to me…
But I digress.
Ever since Wednesday God has been telling me one, never-ending message- surrender. I thought His message was a bit redundant because I just knew I had already done that. Didn’t He know that I had given everything up to follow Him? Couldn’t He see how my life had changed? Didn’t that matter to Him?
Apparently, God wanted more than just my actions… He wanted my heart, too.
But I’ve got nothing.
My heart has been broken, beaten-up, and bloodied too many times to ever prove useful to God. I fear that if I give it up to one more person that it will literally be broken beyond repair and then shrivel up into little pieces before spontaneously combusting. I just can’t take another heartbreak… especially not from God.
So I sat at my computer, praying that by answering God’s call to surrender He would also make my heart new… open it up to love that was beyond my comprehension… heal me like only He can. But instead, I felt empty because I’ve got nothing.
After venturing out to a friend’s house to watch a movie (that I fell asleep during), I realized what surrendering really looks like. Surrendering to Christ means emptying myself of my strength and limitations, and consciously choosing to walk in God’s strength and His limitless… everything. I realized that I am not empty and devoid of creativity and greatness, I am just full of what God deems important and worthy to carry.
Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. I will be the same age that Jesus was when He gave His life for mine and let me be honest, I’ve never felt closer to Him than I do right now. As the hours wind down and September 3rd draws near, I can feel God removing my layers of preconceived strength and durability and replacing it with His grace. It is true, I’ve got nothing left of me to give- God has my heart, my life, my mind, my soul- but now I have so much of HIM to give- His grace, His love, His mercy. Today I surrender whatever is not like Him or keeps me from Him and I admit that I’ve got nothing… but Him.