After 40 years of difficulties, pain, hurts, addictions, and disappointments, I really thought I had earned- albeit DESERVED- one absolutely perfect day. I thought my 40th birthday would be that day; however, when our first flight to California departed almost an hour late, and our connecting flight to Spokane departed without us while we were still in the air, I sincerely doubted that the big 40 would go well. In fact, as we sat in the San Jose airport during a two-hour wait for another connecting flight, I cried profusely, resting my head on King’s shoulder as he worked diligently to comfort me.

King hates to see me cry at any time, but tears on my birthday??? No, King could not have that happening! He started searching for different flights, alternative travel plans, or any solution that would lessen the tears that were soaking his hoodie. In that moment, I was inconsolable. All I saw was that my 40th birthday was delivering the same disappointments that the first 40 years of my life had brought me. I wanted- no, NEEDED- this day to be different because I thought it would be indicative of what my 40s would look like. So, if I was crying on my birthday, I would be crying all year long and possibly crying for the entire decade or beyond.

It took some time for the tears to stop flowing. To be very fair, I wasn’t crying so much about having missed our connecting flight; I was crying because the solution that was offered to us meant that I would spend my entire birthday in the airport. We had arrived at BWI at 8 am EDT on Thursday, but did not arrive in Spokane, Washington, until 11:30 pm PDT. Quick math- that is 18.5 hours in an airport or on an airplane… on my 40th birthday. That’s why I was crying. We had dinner plans that had to be cancelled, and reservations for the car and hotel that had to be delayed. We were missing valuable exploration time, or even time that we could have been resting. What should have been a 3:30 pm PDT arrival was delayed by eight hours because of FAA and airline regulations.

Was this how my 40s would play out?
Would I plan one thing, and then watch everything fall apart before me?

Turns out, God was using this moment to teach me a valuable lesson- I need to see Him in every moment.

You see, a few weeks before my 40th birthday, I had applied and interviewed for two positions in my district, one that many knew about and one that only King knew about. I did not get either position, unfortunately, but the devastation that consumed me after not getting the one that many knew about left me with so many questions about my worth and abilities. Many offered words of comfort and encouragement, reminding me that what is for me will always be mine and that God has something bigger in store for me. I believed them… but the rejection still hurt. So, when my birthday came around, I needed everything to go perfectly so that I could be kind of redeemed from the not-so-desirable rejection that had occurred recently.

But here’s the truth: missing our connecting flight offered big blessings, some that I am not even aware of right now. While I did spend my birthday in the airport/on planes, I was with the love of my life the entire time, and he made each moment special. Additionally, each of the remaining days of our trip went beyond perfect! The weather was beautiful, we had AMAZING opportunities, and we met some wonderful people along the way. Yes, the 3rd was disappointing, but the 4th, 5th, and 6th reminded me how good my God is. Not only did I visit three new states (Washington, Idaho, and Montana), but God met me on I-90 in the open fields between Seattle and Spokane and reminded me that He is a promise-keeper. I don’t need to know the how or the when; I just need to know that He will.

And, He will.

Seeing the good does not mean that my life will be perfect, but it does mean that God will honor His Word, as written in Jeremiah 29:11. Seeing the good means that even in undesirable moments, there is a purpose that far exceeds what I may be able to comprehend. Seeing the good means that what I may sow in tears, God will allow me to reap in blessings that I will not have room enough to contain.

Beloved, if there is one thing that my 40th birthday taught me is that I do not need perfection; I simply need God and His peace. From here on out, I am practicing the blessing of only seeing the good.

Be blessed.