Today is not a bittersweet day for me. I know exactly how I feel, and it lies on only one side of the fence. Today is…

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For some, the last day of August marks an unofficial end to the summer and the beginning of the school year for most of the country. For others, the end of August is like a big banner that proudly hangs in the sky, welcoming the start of Autumn. Yet for me, the end of August means the start of September, my birth month, and this is my favorite month of the year. But this year is extra special because in three days (Lord willing), I will turn 40 years old.

Not to sugarcoat anything (because that is not who I am as a person), my 20s tried to kill me physically, and my 30s took the baton, trying to kill me mentally and emotionally. Simply put, I am grateful to be still alive today. Between the suicide attempts, the incessant drinking, the gluttonous eating, my over-commitment to everything, and every other destructive behavior that I have exhibited for the past 32 years, I truly thought death would have found me already. I was violently heading down paths that were all designed to kill me… but God. When I say that God saved me and changed my life, that is not just some hot tagline that I am spewing for clout and likability. It is not a euphemism. I truly mean those words with every fiber of my being. God saved me. Even when I did not want to be saved and did not want to hear anything about God, God waited patiently, not feeling offended, but still loving me so much. Even when I did not know the words of Romans 8:38-39, its truth knew me, and God’s love saved me.

So today, as I sit on the doorstep of my 40th birthday, I can’t help but feel joy because through it all, I am still here.

Thank You, Lord.

Yesterday, while I was in service, journaling as I normally do, I wrote down these three words: “slow, small steps.” God was talking to me about how I consume food, and He told me that I need to slow down my eating pace and consume smaller (more frequent) meals. Now, this came right after I had finished eating a bagel and was experiencing physical pain. The pain told me that change was needed. As I wrote that, I realized that God wasn’t just talking about my diet; He was also talking about my entire life. He was saying that the pains of my past mean that change is necessary for my future, and He HUMBLED me! My 40th birthday is the perfect opportunity for me to start over… and I’m going to take this time to do just that.

Last week a dear friend reminded me of something so simple- God is a promise-keeper. I can’t believe that in my busyness I had forgotten that! Yes, I had experienced some disappointments in the past few weeks, but God is still good and still in the promise-keeping business. I’m ending August on the highest of notes. God is moving and working, diligently fulfilling His promises in my life… and I am grateful. For this fourth decade of my life, I am choosing to approach my life in slow, small steps. I’m not rushing to anxiety, fear, and doubt; I am doing my part and trusting God in every step of the way.

Beloved, if I could offer you one small piece of advice, it would be this: tackle life gracefully, and take slow, small steps.

Be blessed.