“The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants!”

Over 24 years since My Big Fat Greek Wedding was released on the big screen, that line from the movie still stands out in both my heart and mind. Not only is it true, but- dare I say- it is biblically based. The Bible offers not only words on how husbands should treat their wives, stating that they should love their wives as Christ loves the church, but also guidance for how a wife should treat her husband. Let’s take a moment to see how the “neck” is supposed to behave…

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Going back to the beginning, God writes in Genesis 2:18 that a wife is supposed to be the helper of her husband. The Hebrew term “ezer kenegdo” literally translates to mean “helper suitable” or “helpmate.” The term states, simply, that a wife is an equal partner in the marriage and that she is there to be her husband’s ally, support, and helper. What this term does not say is that their roles in the marriage are equal, but that they are equally present and responsible in the marriage. This is an important distinction as we look at a wife as the “neck” of her husband. Yes, she is a helper, but her help (or lack thereof) can guide the way her husband navigates the life that they are sharing together. A wife must know this first and foremost- she is her husband’s equal helper.

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Once a wife accepts her role as the husband’s ezer kenegdo, she can then respect her husband as Ephesians 5:33 calls her to do. I want to take a moment here to highlight that respecting your husband does NOT mean that you allow him to lead you both down a dangerous path, but it does mean that you believe and support the man that he is, you listen and support him, and you trust his role as the leader of your home. I remember when I first started dating King, he stated that respect was more important to him than it was to Aretha Franklin! He believed then (and still believes) that respect is the cornerstone and foundation of a successful relationship and that without it, no relationship will last. Respecting your husband also involves not correcting him in public (if you see something, say something… off to the side where others are not privy to your conversation) and sharing your opinion, yet giving him space to lead. As the neck supports the head, wives- support your husband (Ephesians 5:22-30)!

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Rightly partnered with respect is my personal favorite role of a wife- LOVE YOUR HUSBAND!. This should go without saying, yet the Bible took time to mention this in Titus 2:4 because sometimes we women need a reminder that being a wife is not just rigid and legal, it must also be fluid and filled with love. Just as Christ loves us, we must love our husbands:

• Love them beyond their flaws
• Love them enough to extend grace
• Love them in the great moments…
• Love them in the difficult moments

The love we have for them should be unconditional, yes, but I firmly believe that the love should not ignore abuse and unhealthy behavior. I will NEVER, ever condone or advise staying in a relationship where physical, mental, financial, or emotional abuse is present. But where abuse does not dwell, love should, and it should cover all. Another passage about love that I love is 2 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Love is not just a trendy word, but it is a verb that requires intense and intentional work. Again, I LOVE love and wholly believe that a wife should LOVE her husband!

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For this next part, I need you to lean in a bit closer so that you can hear me very clearly…

Just as the Bible tells us how a wife should treat her husband, it also cautions us on what wives should NOT do. For those verses, go ahead and turn to the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, and 27:15-16 all say the same thing- a quarrelsome wife is a tragedy. Ok, that’s me oversimplifying and paraphrasing, but the truth is in my simple summation. Within a household, the Bible says that there is nothing worse than a wife who is hostile, argumentative, and quick to stew in anger. Picture it this way: if something happens to your neck, how effective does your head become? As someone who has been in four rear-end collisions, one thing that I learned is that when whiplash came and rendered my neck immobile, it then became difficult for me to move my head and for it to function to its highest potential. Likewise, when the wife (the neck) is combative (stiff and rigid), the husband (the head) cannot lead and live (move) the way he should.

As wives, we have to understand the power that we wield. We can set the tone of the home, determining how we will function and live as a family. Yes, we are the neck, but the neck comes with great responsibility.

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Beloved, today’s post was born of a conversation God had with me. As with any private conversation that we have, God shared a piece that He needed me to share with others. This piece is not private by any means and should instead be consumed as much and by as many as possible. Proverbs 18:22 says that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” One part that we often miss in that verse is that it says WIFE, not woman. This means that a woman must already be exhibiting the signs and traits of a wife in order to be found. We must be helpers, respectful, loving, and not quarrelsome in every aspect of our lives so that when God sends that man our way, he sees the WIFE in us, not just the woman.

So, Sweet Friend, remember that while the man is the head, we women are the neck, controlling the movements of the head. We must be fluid, flexible, and supportive so that the head can successfully do its job.

Don’t be stiff!

Be blessed.