I sat in my bed with my Chromebook and makeshift desk, drafting many thoughts that I wanted to share with you all today. Every draft went the same way- write a few lines, cry for a bit, and then move on to the next blank document. In fact, I have so many docs sitting in my blog folder that all have the same title, “Untitled document” that it should be illegal. I have a plethora of wonderful thoughts that come into my mind every waking moment of every day… yet everything ends the exact same way- untitled and unfinished.
One of the things I’m praised for the most is my transparency.
Oddly enough, the hardest thing for me to do is be transparent.
Mainly because I don’t feel like people want to hear the truth beyond a certain tolerance point. For example, there’s only but so many times that people want to hear about my past. Not because it was such a tragic story, but because in order to hear it, they must address some demons in their own past. Likewise, most people don’t want to hear about the joys in my life too often because it makes them feel some type of way about the current state of their life.
That’s the hard part about telling the truth and being transparent with people- truth snuffs out the lies that some people would rather live in forever.
Beloved, in an attempt to be transparent with you, I’m going to share a truth- I feel both untitled and unfinished right now.
On Wednesday I am scheduled to preach at my church’s Holy Communion service and for the past 10 days I have been asking God to sit me down in the emotions that are needed for this particular word that He has given. Naturally, I assumed that He would allow me to dwell in that place with Him all day Saturday (you know, my writing day), but instead I wrestled with my emotions and feelings all day yesterday. Truth be told, because of how God manifests His plans in my life, I will likely be in these emotions until well after I preach on Wednesday night.
For me, God does this beautiful thing where He allows me to fully immerse myself in whatever He desires for me to bring forth to His children. Everything that I write, preach, or share to/with you is lived experience, not just hypothetical rhetoric. God has intentionally created me to be a transparent vessel that you and others can vicariously experience His grace through until you are ready to fully commit to Him for yourself. Rest assured that while this is never easy, God’s grace and mercy sustain me for what He has called me to do.
In a bit of a shift for me, I’m going to end this #MondayMessage here with the promise that I will finish it… on Wednesday from the pulpit. I humbly solicit your prayers and invite you to join us for service at 7pm (click HERE to view it).
I love you and I thank you, Beloved.