I was exhausted- mentally and physically- but I had my clothes on and I was ready to go to church.
On the days leading up to Thanksgiving break, I had planned out my moments of rest and how I would just sit around doing nothing on some days. Like all of my plans, my ideas did not come to fruition the way that I had envisioned. I had stayed up too late on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night, leaving me completely drained the next day because my body does not know how to sleep beyond about 7:30am. Not to mention the fact that even though it was my break, I had homework and work-work to complete. This break did not provide the full reprieve that I needed and had only whet my appetite for more, yet on Sunday morning, I was- with tea in hand- dressed for church. Just as I was gearing up to leave, some things happened that caused me to sit on a chair and text someone outside of my house, letting them know that I would not be in service today.
From the outside looking in, it may seem like the enemy had won. It may seem like he succeeded in keeping me out of God’s physical sanctuary, but my physical absence only strengthened my desire to call out to God from my heart.
Sometime earlier in the month of November, God revealed to me why sadness and depression seem to gravitate towards me. He shared with me that when I am sad, I don’t pray and when I don’t pray, I don’t have the ability to do all that He has called me to do. Now, some of you who probably don’t believe in God or truly walk in His calling on your life, may perceive that statement in some type of uber-churchy controlling way. But it’s not that at all. Simply put, we all have a purpose in life and when we are unable to fulfill that purpose- for one reason or another- others suffer and often lack the ability to fulfill their own purpose. This does not mean that we must work and exceed our own breaking points, but that we must find a balance between what we need and what is needed of us. When God had spoken to me earlier this month, I finally saw that my issue was in not finding that balance. On my own, I was trying too hard to be what others needed, without getting the balance and rest that I needed. No one can function in that way; we must find balance.
Yet as I sat on the chair in my dining room, I found myself praying and silently asking God to heal the gaping wounds that exist within my family. For even in that moment, I knew that if He healed them today, generations of my family would be set free.
Did I ever tell you how my niece got the nickname, Butterfly? When my sister was pregnant with her, God whispered to me that the child she was carrying would be the change that my family needed. He whispered the name “Butterfly” into my spirit and said that would be the child’s name. At that time, we did not know if my sister was pregnant with a girl or a boy, but I was fully prepared to call a nephew Butterfly, because that’s what God had said. However, God saw fit to reduce my need for explanation and sent my beautiful niece into this world. From the moment that she was born, she was different and divinely unique. She was a quiet baby who was holding her own bottle from just a few weeks old and she was more ready than us to fulfill God’s purpose in her life! However, despite her readiness, we were not always ready for her. My baby has Autism and ADHD, facing many hurdles that oftentimes just seem unfair. She soldiers through it all, not because we poured strength into her or taught her anything about strength, but because God is her strength and His Holy Spirit lives within her. My niece is a victor of her circumstances, never ever a victim.
Coming back to the revelations of November, I see that there is one major thing that I am carrying into December- living in the today. God has spoken a series into my heart that revolves around the idea of specifically living in the today, not focusing on the past or the future. And for someone like me who is a thinker, it’s hard for my mind not to wander, but I’m trying anyway. For as long as God allows, I want to share different aspects of living in the TODAY with you. I pray that each message is a blessing to your soul and that each one guides you as you live for Christ. You see, what I realized as I sat on that chair was that my family must HEAL in the TODAY. No longer can we continue to yell, scream, and exert our dominance because that’s the way things always were; we must heal in the today and break free of the chains of the past.
What does healing in the today look like for you, Beloved? What strongholds and chains are you breaking today as you continue to walk with Christ? What generational curses are you putting on notice because your God is bigger than them all? What emotional divorce papers are you serving today as you step into a healing and healthy relationship with God? Friend, it’s time; it is time to heal in the today.