Every since I was discharged from my job, I have been waiting for God to tell me where to go and what to do next. I was discharged in May 2nd but on April 29th, Amy had given me a Battle cd that I listened to once and found peace. One of the songs on there is called 123 Victory by Kirk Franklin and from the moment I heard it, I loved it. It has that typical, funky Kirk Franklin beat that makes it impossible to forget the song. I really liked the song on April 29th but on May 2nd when I got discharged, I fell in love with the song. This is the link to the full lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kirkfranklin/123victory.html
I sang the song so much that now it is engrained in my heart and mind. So if it’s in my heart, then why was I ignoring its lyrics?
“You’re waiting on God; He’s waiting on you…”
Last night during my prayers, I asked God (for what seems like the millionth time) if He could reveal what I am supposed to be doing during this season. I know that He wants me to tell my testimony and help bring healing to others but I was low-key hoping that He would explicitly spell out what He wanted me to do. That’s me in a nutshell. Sometimes I need no instructions at all before performing a task, whereas other times, I need detailed instructions to begin. Since I spent so many years doing M.E., I wanted to make sure that this time I was only following God. So I’ve been waiting. I’ve been sitting here waiting for God to explicitly tell me what He wants me to do…and all the while, I’m listening and jamming to a song that says God is waiting on me (special moment #1).
So again, I was on my knees conversing with my Father last night, telling Him my heart’s deepest desires (which He already knows). While I was talking, I got another desire to inquire about returning to school to study counseling (special moment #2). Just the thought of becoming a counselor is exhilarating, yet peaceful, yet also comical.
Exhilarating: When God and I were discussing my future a few months ago, I told Him how my soul yearns to help others. Along my journey, I worked with some great therapists and counselors but none really tied faith and therapy together (even though one was affiliated with a church). In fact, I grew up believing that it had to be one or the other. Even heal my brokenness with faith or heal it with therapy- but never shall the two meet. So it excites me to think about the possibility of combining the two and healing others with both faith AND therapy.
Peaceful: This is what God created me to do. The rape and the subsequent years of my journey were all designed to bring me closer to God and also tell others how He heals. It may have taken me 23yrs to realize that, but now I know. Just the thought of fulfilling God’s plan for my life excites me, brings me soul joy, but also gives me peace. God is the joy and the strength of my life but he is also my peace. The peace that He gives surpasses all understanding and I feel that when I think of the impact that I can make in the lives of others.
Comical (disclaimer, I am hard headed): Soooooooo when I first ventured off to college and needed to choose my major, I knew that I wanted to be a doctor. I was really obsessed with Ben Carson because I had won scholarship funds from him and I wanted to save lives like he did. Except when I was looking through Bowie’s majors/studies, the only thing remotely related to doctor-ism was Psychology…so I became a Psych major. I stayed in that major for all of one semester because I realized that with this track, I would be in school forever before I earned any real income. (Yes, I gave up my dream and God’s plan because I wanted money.) Then I switched to finance and then switched schools….only to graduate from another university with a Finance degree and the burning desire to work in a nonprofit organization. So it is hilarious to me that after 13yrs, I am right back where I started.
But I just had to have confirmation…
Because I have an extensive history of doing Michelle and not doing God, I really want to move by His will now. So when I was praying last night, I asked for confirmation (yep, I sure did). And I justified that foolishness by saying, “but Jesus, I just don’t want to do the wrong thing again.” I then reminded God (as if he didn’t know) that He has a direct line to my pastor so if this is what He wanted me to do, please allow my pastor to give me confirmation this morning in service. Please be careful what you pray for, y’all!)
I read my devotions this morning which focused on the Holy Spitit. It filled my soul and carried me over to service. When service began, the Spitit was in that church and moving freely. It moved so freely that the “order” of service got flipped completely on its head. I mean, we literally had the Invitation and altar prayer before we even heard the Word- because the Spirit can do what It wants! And then the pastor started preaching…
There is an old church line that says when the preacher is preaching a message about you, he is either “stepping on your toes” or “driving down your street.” Well this morning, pastor was definitely stepping on my toes- all 10 of them!
The sermon came out of Daniel 2: 1-13 and was entitled “Meet the challenge.” In this chapter, King Nebuchadnezzar had a dream that he wanted interpretated. He sent for the “….magicians, enchanters, the sorcerers, and the Chaldeans..to tell the king his dreams (Daniel 2:2).” When they arrived, the king told them to tell him the dream and its message, to which the Chaldeans said for the king to tell them the dream and they would interpret. Nebuchadnezzar felt like he was getting played so he got really upset and was going back and forth with the Chaldeans. The Chaldeans said that there was no man on earth who could do what the king asked and that only the gods (little g) could do that. The king grew even more upset and ordered the death of all of the magicians, Chaldeans, etc. Daniel was then brought to the king to do, with God (big G), the thing that the Chaldeans could not do- repeat and interpret the dream.
While every part of the sermon was clearly directed towards me, these are the parts that I loved the most:
1. Daniel was tasked with doing something that had never been done before. Prior to this point, no one had ever repeated and interpreted dreams before. God had called Daniel for a purpose and He equipped him with all the necessary tools to complete the journey. Likewise, what God has called and equipped me for is something that I have never seen or heard of before and He is sending me out to complete this journey.
2. When Daniel went before the king, he did not ask for signs. Daniel ventured towards the king knowing that he had an ability that the king had already deemed punishable by death. Nowhere is it written that Daniel paused to ask God to send confirmation of this task. From what I have read of the Bible, God tends to send confirmation/affirmation without a request from us. He is God- He does not need our assistance in doing anything. We do not need to waste precious time waiting for confirmation when the “confirmation” was present in God telling us where to go. Furthermore, while we are sitting and waiting for confirmation, God is waiting for us to get up and get to work. (Special moment #3)
3. Daniel brought God to a king who served gods. Of course I can’t remember the exact wording that Pastor used but that’s essentially how it went. Like most of the kings back then, Nebuchadnezzar did not believe in God. When Daniel went to the king, he let the king know that what he [Daniel] was about to do and say was all from God. Daniel wanted to do God’s work but also make it known upfront that it was God, not him. Once Daniel was finished and the king felt peace, he thanked God and Daniel. For me this was poignant because it confirmed that when God sends you to complete His mission, it will save the souls of others.
I am very hard headed! As a result, I tend to encounter a lot of “special moments” because I don’t listen the first time God tells me something. I sincerely thought that I was supposed to wait for confirmation from God when in actuality, I was just wasting time that I could have been using to do His work. Please don’t make the same mistake! God does not call the prepared, instead He prepares the called. So when He calls you to do something, know that He has already fully developed the plan for your success. There is no reason to doubt or wait for confirmation- go ahead and let God use you!
With that being said, I have applied for school (please keep me in prayer) and until the quarter starts, I will be praying and writing. The season that I’m currently in is my preparation period. God has called me and now He’s further preparing me. I am completely outside of my comfort zone and this is where God, peace, joy, and faith happen. Stay tuned because greatness in God is soon to follow!