I started this entire process because I was following where God was leading me. He told me to share my testimony that night on FB, so I did. He told me to start a blog, so I did. He told me to open myself up to His will and His way, so I did. Naturally I assumed that by submitting to His way, the writing and the blogging would come easily. Truthfully, it’s been anything but easy.
I had slowed my blogging down (even though I would write in my journal) because I thought that I had nothing monumental to write about. Yesterday marked 4wks of unemployment, and although I am not depressed or stressed over that, I have to admit that my fire kinda simmered down. In fact, I picked up a new habit of reading- which is serving a two-fold purpose. First, it occupies my mind and my time. During the time that I am reading a book, I am able to venture into the author’s creative world. Watching television could probably do the same thing, but reading also increases my vocabulary base. Not to mention the fact that I am also able to take my focus off of my unemployment. Second, it is a known fact that reading helps with writing. It has often been said that those who aspire to write should spend a lot of time reading. When 2017 was approaching, I had set out to read one book per month. When April came and I had not completed one book at all since 2017 had started, I thought my vision would go down the drain. Now it is the last day of May and my book count for 2017 is currently at 10….not to mention the fact that I have six more books here waiting for me and at least six more on hold at the library. Reading has become my getaway and I enjoy these breaks from reality.
Oddly enough, when I get caught up in a book, I actually don’t think about writing. Turns out, I get too lost in books; often staying up until 1am or 2am in order to complete a good book. But reading is not the only reason that my writing has slowed- it’s slowed because I feel irrelevant.
I was talking to my bestie, Amy, a few days ago and I told her that I feel like my blogs, posts, and quotes are irrelevant. I had honestly expected my posts to yield hordes my way. It was often disappointing to see that my posts weren’t garnishing the turnout that I thought it needed. Amy reminded me of two things: 1. My blogging in is its infancy. It’s going to take some time to really develop a following. 2. My job is to write and blog about God and how He helped me- not to worry about how others will receive it. As always, Amy was dropping knowledge…
Through my conversation with Amy, I realized that I was trying to do God’s job, not my own. God told me to write, He did not tell me to worry. In fact, His Word says the same thing! The Bible is laden with scriptures which tell us not to worry, but instead trust God. Three of my favorites are below:
“Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
“For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgement.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Worrying does not help any situation and it is also not my job. My job is to do what God tells me to do. He is faithful and able to do the rest.
But reading is fundamental…
Despite my using reading as a means to avoid writing, my soul actually benefitted from it tremendously.
Today I went to the library and borrowed seven books. Since the books are by different authors and are not in a series, I randomly decided to read Hidden Blessings by Kim Cash Tate first. The book literally lived up to its name. I will not reveal any parts of the book because you need to read it yourself. Seriously, the book is just that good and everyone needs to read it. This book, like all of her other books, brought me to tears immediately. More than anything, it reminded me of this factoid: cherish today and allow tomorrow to worry about itself.
When I lost my job on May 2nd, I felt at peace when I left the office. The emotional and mental pain that I had been feeling while employed there, all fled from my body. Dare I say I was actually happy. I felt like God was keeping His promise by transitioning me to the place where He needed me to be. With all the events of this year, I already knew that God needed me to lose some things so that I could be able to fully receive Him. So while I was happy on May 2nd, this was not my first time losing a job (I had lost another in September 18, 2012), and I distinctly remember how I felt on that day. I cried my heart out because I was so worried about the next step and how I would survive the loss. This time around, all I focused on was waiting for instructions from God.
Reading Hidden Blessings today helped me to see that there is joy and peace in the “today.”
In life we focus so much on our plans and what we envision for the future. I know I am definitely guilty of this. I used to worry so much about what the next step of my life would be, where I would live, and what I would do. I worried so much that I gave no thought to today and I physically made myself sick. Is this you? If so, it is time to stop this. We literally need to forgive ourselves and others for yesterday and move on, while simultaneously putting tomorrow in God’s hand. Once we are able to do that, all we are left with is today- and that’s where the joy is.
The Hidden blessing in life is that everything that we go through is apart of our testimony and it can literally save someone’s life. As it turns out, reading and writing are my lifesavers because they bring me closer to God, as I am able to tell the world how He saved me. God’s purpose for my life is to share the testimony that He gave me. He requires of me to share how I once was broken and battered by rape and depression but how, by His grace and mercy, I was healed. He requires this of me because there is someone who needs to hear it. Twenty-three years ago, I never would have imagined that my rape- the worst 2yrs of my life-would actually save my life and save others…but God.
I worried so much that I wouldn’t have anything relevant to share with you all because I was not working and I was just spending my days lost in a book. Hidden Blessings also helped me realize that no matter how blah a day may seem, God’s goodness is still very present in it. And with His goodness in every day, I should share it because it just may be a Hidden blessing to someone else.