I just realized that “home” is not a physical place…

On Saturday morning, we decided to stay in bed just a bit longer than usual. We had already snoozed or ignored all of our alarms and even missed the times that we were supposed to take our respective medications. Yet we still stayed in bed. It was as though the floor was lava and getting out of bed would surely cause more harm than good, so naturally, we had to stay in bed. As we lay there, my head resting comfortably on his chest, I played with his graying chest hair and dazed sweetly into deep thought. It’s been 3.5 months since we moved in together, and I’ve noticed that as God has continued to heal me internally, my relationship with him has gotten better. Couples’ Counseling has been great, but the real work has been occurring within my personal therapy and EMDR sessions. So while the 3.5 months haven’t been perfect, they have been a blessing, one that I abundantly thank God for.

With my head on his chest and my mind in thought, a wave of peace covered me and cradled me in that moment. I sat with that peace and exhaled lovingly. After years of watching Waiting to Exhale and reading the books, I could finally understand how one could fall so deeply in love that their body feels safe enough and secure enough to release an uninhibited, unrestricted stream of compressed air.

His love released my pain.
His love released my fear.
His love released my breath.

I inhaled peace, contentment, and joy; I exhaled the weight of the world.

While we were in our home, our dwelling place, our place of residence, as I exhaled, I realized that “home” was not the four walls that surrounded us and the roof that covered us. Home was truly right there in his arms. In his arms, I was safe from my intrusive thoughts and everything else that sought to distract me from the moment in front of me. Because home was not a physical place, when I travel with him, I am at home… and when we are a part, I long for home.

---

So why am I sharing all of this today? Why am I sharing this here? Because someone out there needs to know that love is not outside of the realm of possibility for them. For years, I was ok with settling for less than what God had intended for me because I thought that was all I was good enough to get. I erroneously believed that every flaw of mine, every mistake of my past, had relegated me to the bottom-of-the-barrel relationships and situationships that had besieged me for so long. I thought my past had doomed my future.

Thank God I was wrong!

Beloved, I can truly say unequivocally that without God, healing is not possible… and without healing, true love is impossible. Before you pursue love, pursue healing and allow love to find you in its due time.

In the meantime, I will continue to pray for you, and with that prayer, I pray for you to finally find your home.

Be blessed.