Just then, I rolled over and saw the sun rising in the pink sky and I heard God as He spoke softly to my heart. The sunrise on Saturday was God’s way of awakening my heart and soul.
For far too long I had been sitting in my sin and condemnation, too afraid to pray and worship God in spirit and truth. Also not realizing that as I avoided God, all hell was breaking loose around me. A long time ago God declared that I was supposed to change the trajectory of my family and, to be honest, that was often a burden that was too hard to bear. Yet that morning when I woke up, I heard the Lord and I recognized what had always been true, in Him I had the power to do all things but I just had to release some demons and let God work.
I started with releasing my guilt.
Whenever I do something that I know I shouldn’t do or something that has an adverse reaction, I allow guilt and condemnation to kill every part of me. I sit in my sin and build a wall of isolation all around me. I don’t allow room for anyone or anything to encroach upon my pity space; no one, not even God. I sit there and use Muhammad Ali strength to beat myself up and allow condemnation to hold me under the weight of my sin. My mind continuously tells me that I’ve done too much, too much for my God to forgive, so then I pull further away…
I apologize, I didn’t ask if you were ready to hear our truth today. See, while I know that I am the one writing this, the Holy Spirit has already told me that it is not just my truth. So as you read this, allow Him to work through you, just as He is working through me. We are on a healing journey together, Beloved.
I started releasing my tears.
On Wednesday night when chaos broke out in my home, I released a series of blood-curdling screams. Screams that could wake the dead and send chills down the spines of all those in ear shot. At the time, I thought that I was screaming because of the situation at hand. Turns out, I was screaming because of the situation in my heart. I was upset with God because I felt that He hadn’t prevented my home situation from getting that bad; I was upset that He hadn’t removed me from that situation. Yet as I looked at that sunrise on Saturday morning, I realized that God was, is, and will always be present… I just wasn’t doing what I should have been doing. I was so wrapped up in M.E. that I couldn’t see what my role truly was. And, so that we are all on the same page, my role then was what it has always been- the role of the intercessor. My tears have always been God’s way of allowing me to temporarily bear the weight of someone’s problems and release the tears as a metaphorical way of releasing the problems to the Lord. Yet when I hold onto their problems (or my own) for too long, just like a shaken soda bottle, I explode with screams that indicate too much pressure has been built up within me.
Beloved, now is the time to stop and release those tears from their hidden ducts. Allow those released tears to reconnect to our God and His mighty power and love. Release those tears for your situation and for the situation of others. God is good; He is present and He will wipe every year from your eye.
I am releasing my burdens.
For the past two months I have been experiencing some type of health concern with no known cause. I had “gallbladder” pain (and I use the quotation marks because I had my gallbladder removed in 2021), random pain in my breasts (yes, I have fibroadenomas but they shouldn’t have hurting), and just recently I randomly broke out in hives on my face. With each random thing, I wore a big smile- excuse me, I wore a beautiful mask- as I pretended that I was ok. Yet when my face broke out, I could no longer hide what every part of my body knew to be true- I was carrying too many burdens. For far too long I thought it was my responsibility to heal and fix my family and those around me. I thought it was single-handedly my duty to don the S on my chest like Superwoman and save my loved ones. Yet as I laid in bed staring at the sunrise, I heard God telling me to release that, too. I’m not saying that my face immediately cleared up, but I am saying that I realized that carrying that burden’s weight would not improve my situation. I had to let go of the desire to pass my problems off to others, asking them to earnestly pray for me, while I sat and used my time to worry. I had to better use the gifts and the talents given to me by God in order to do all that He has called me to do… if for no other reason, then because my body was physically collapsing under the weight of not letting go. I truly was fighting a battle within myself… and I was losing miserably. But I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus; it’s time to assert my victory, in His name.
Beloved, today I am encouraging you to release with me. Allow God to release you from whatever may have been blocking your praise. Allow God to release you from whatever may have been blocking your growth. Allow God to release you from whatever may be keeping you bound. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us and today, we are free.