I am a hypocrite.
Everyday I lovingly fuss with my students about putting away their cell phone and completing the work that I have given them for the time being. And everyday those same students do everything in the world to avoid the work that is placed before them.
And that is where I find myself today- avoiding the completion of work that needs to be done. I recognize the importance of the work that I need to do, but there is an innate desire rising within me to just drop it all and hide under my covers. I can’t outright blame depression, anxiety, or any of my other diagnoses, but I can say that none of those things are helping me combat the urge to drop everything and hide.
As it has often been discussed, procrastination and ADHD are directly related. While procrastination is not a listed symptom of ADHD, it is often linked to ADHD and many who have been diagnosed with ADHD, tend to deal with great bouts of procrastination. And this author right here, is the Queen of Procrastination- so much so that I decided to write a book about it… but I’ll do it later. (I hope you laughed because that was a joke.)
The truth is, I already wrote a #MondayMessage for today but I felt led to take the time to write this one because it seemed more pressing than the other. However the thing that I am avoiding is more important than words can say so it’s easier for me to choose to do nothing than to complete that one task.
Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever needed to do something so badly, that you chose to do anything else in the world to avoid it? Ok, maybe it’s just me, but this is my entire M.O. What I need to do is important, life changing, and led by God. Which naturally means that I am running in the opposite direction, due to fear.
Ahh, there it is. The real reason that I procrastinate- I am afraid of what’s to come.
We all saw Coach Carter and we all know that our deepest fear isn’t that we are failures or that we will fail. Instead, our greatest fear is that we will be successful beyond our wildest dreams and imagination. I am truly so afraid of what could happen if I actually trusted God. What could my life look like if I just surrendered? Where could God take me next if I just gave into Him now? What would His next ask be if I just said YES now? So many unknowns… so it’s just easier to hide now, right?
So instead of wondering what God could ask, say, or do next, Imma just sit right here in this corner and hide from Him, the world, and any semblance of responsibility. Works for me! (Yall, just let me live in my denial, please.)
I joke a lot, I push the envelope even more, but the truth is, I’m just trying to navigate through a world that I was never meant to fit into. (Read 1 Peter 2:9 to understand more.) Beloved, as you press through this week, hold onto one fact- we can delay but we can never diminish or dismiss God’s will. His will will always be done and the ride is so much sweeter when we trust Him through it all.
I love you, Beloved; be blessed.