I deserve… silence

Shhh….
I can barely hear Him over the sound of my own beating heart.
My mind races with possibilities and my imagination runs wild as I think of what could be, what would be, what should be, if only…
No matter how much I try to calm myself down, a tide of emotions rushes in and I am left to ride the wave of uncertainty and confusion all by myself.
You see, I have loved a man for far longer than I can remember but I am finally starting to see that loving him was killing me.

Silence; I need complete and utter silence!
That is the only way that I will be able to hear Him!
I’ve been lost for so long and now I must listen for the faint whisper of His voice.
Please, please, repeat Yourself and let me come near to You!
Speak louder, that I may understand Your words and run into Your awaiting arms.
Speak, please, so that I will not drown in this sea…

Be quiet, I say!
I cannot think as the voices of those around me continue to rise while the voice inside of me dims like a candle at its end.
I am so lost and alone …
I thought … I don’t know what I thought.
But here I am desperately trying to breathe amidst the sea…

Silence.
As I ride this wave called life,
I am learning to seek the silence.
It is in the silence that I hear and learn the most.
It is in the silence that my love rages ferociously.
It is in the silence that I am free.
I deserve… silence.

Be blessed.