The truth and the peace.

Have you ever missed someone so badly that you could hardly breathe?

I can imagine that’s how God feels about me when I disappear and wander away from Him.

For the past few months my attention has been sorely distracted from God and I think this weekend He did all that He could to get my attention. It is amazing what we will do in order to be with those that we love.

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I woke up at 6:30 am on Friday morning. It was the second time that God had allowed me to wake up during my sleep, but that time I felt that He had a deeper reason than just prayer. I moved as He instructed, putting on work-out clothes and grabbing my earbuds, and then I walked out of the house. I walked for about two seconds before I trusted God enough to commence the run that He told me to complete. My mini-stretch session seemed to be paying off and I continued to run. Funny thing is, I hadn’t been running since about May 2019. That was when I had a syncope (ok, I fainted) and struggled with understanding why my body hated me so much. I had only fallen in love with running the year before, but when I hit the ground on May 9, 2019, I changed emotionally and things hadn’t been the same. Yet there I was, at 6:42 am, running in my neighborhood and watching the sun rise.

It was a beautiful morning. Not a cloud in the sky and the crisp chill of the Autumn air was refreshing against my running body. I felt peace and I felt at peace. As I continued to run, I prayed constantly. First, I had to pray for God’s strength to be able to physically run. It had been so long and I just knew that at any moment my knees would pass out from shock and I would be sprawled out on the pavement for all the world to see. So I prayed… and prayed and prayed. Secondly, I prayed for those that God had placed in my heart. As I’ve mentioned before, God speaks to me in my sleep. It is the only time that I am quiet enough to hear and listen to Him so He speaks then and wakes me up when He needs me to respond back. Hence Friday’s run. With each pound of my Nike shoes onto the pavement, my heart spoke to God. My heart called out the names of those from dreams and those who were listed on our church’s prayer list. I prayed for this country and for this world. I prayed and enjoyed my alone time with God.

There were so many times that I wanted to stop. At first I wanted to stop because I didn’t think I could run anymore. Literally, my mind had tried to convince my body that continuing beyond a certain point was not possible. That really goes to prove the saying true that life is mind over matter; we have to let our mind get there first and then we, too, will get there. After pushing past the mind, I wanted to stop to admire and enjoy the sunrise. I am a photographer, right? Capturing the moment is literally what I live to do and I really wanted to grab a nice shot of the colorful sky. I had the post all ready and I really wanted to snap that picture, yet God told me to run a little further… so I obeyed. Lastly, I wanted to stop because I wanted to make sure that I had enough time to get ready for work. I started my run at 6:42 and really wanted to be inside by 7am so that I could perform my morning routine. The sooner I stopped running, the sooner I could do my cooldown walk and the sooner I could head back upstairs and prepare for telework. I wanted to stop. It wasn’t quitting if I’d already overcome so much. But I kept going.

By the time I had finished running, 22 minutes and 2.10 miles had passed since I had begun. I was pleasantly surprised and so proud of myself. Not to be cocky, but I was proud of myself for obeying God and fighting myself for that time with Him. As I reflect on it all today, I realized that I was so proud because I never listen to God the first time He speaks. I see now that God just wanted my time, ear, and heart- and He got them all during those 22 minutes.

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Today’s Monday and now I am trying to prepare my heart for another big thing- missing someone that I love dearly. The hardest thing about loving someone is that when it is real, it catches you off-guard and leaves you completely upended. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for this man and now I must trust God as He says that this is the week to lean into Him more. Wow. There’s the truth and the peace right there. I won’t be without my love but instead with my true Love and that love will deepen my love with and for others.

I don’t know where I intended to go at the beginning of this post but I do know that I was sad when I started. Yet, God being God, allowed me to find Him with the gentle stroke of each letter on this keyboard. When we miss someone, whether they are temporarily apart from us or forever gone, God is asking us to use those feelings to fold back into Him.

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Have you ever missed someone so badly that you could hardly breathe?

Sink back into God and allow His Holy Spirit to be the complete and healing air that you breathe.

That is the truth and peace that you need.

Be Blessed.