I am drowning.
I stepped out deeper into rushing waters than I could actually swim because I saw that everyone around me was successfully enjoying themselves in the water. I can’t swim, yet I continued to venture further and further into the water because I wanted to be where everyone else was.
I looked out into the ocean and saw so many people thriving in the lives that they lived and I so desired to be where they are. I wanted to be able to swim alongside them; I wanted to be able to keep up with the rhythm of their movements. I was really trying to be who everyone thought I could be, yet here I am, drowning.
As I continue to sink deeper into the water around me, I have the time to reflect on what all brought me to this place. I wanted to be like them. They were all moving and handling life so graciously- surely I, too, could do this! So I walked deeper and deeper into the unknown and I continued to lose my footing and the feeling of the ocean’s bottom began to fade in the distance behind me. All because I thought I could do what others could do. When will I realize that I am different? It is ok that I cannot swim and frolic like those that I see; God graced them differently than He graced me. It is ok that I cannot handle the depth of the water that they can because my gift is not like theirs.
I have the time to think about this now as the weight of the water continues to crash on and around me. I’m steadily falling deeper and now all I can do is reflect and repent. Seems kinda late to now repent as I am drowning, but, hey, why not? I silently call out to God, asking Him to not save me, but to save those whom my decisions impacted. I pray that they, too, can forgive me and that God gives them some peace and ease as they work to undo my mistakes. I always wanted to make things better for those that I loved, but diving feet first into deep waters when you can’t swim kills you every time.
I close my eyes, drop my arms, and stop fighting the inevitable. Just as I prepare to succumb to my fate, I feel my feet touch upon something that stops me from sinking deeper. Surprised, I grasp hold of it and stand as tall as possible. As I stand, I open my eyes and see the Rock that has stopped my freefall. I stand on it and begin to have hope. Maybe, just maybe, I can be saved. My heart races with anticipation as I soon see one of the others swim towards me. He saw that I was drowning and he immediately swam to my rescue. This Rock slowed my descent and allowed the swimmer to get to me before it was too late.
Thank God for the Rock.
He pulled me to the top and resuscitated me; I am alive and on solid ground again. I breathe a sigh of relief and adjust myself. I am alive and fully aware of what almost killed me. I look out at the water cautiously, not because I’m never going to get back in again, but because this time when I do, I won’t go deeper than a Rock can save me.