My tears cannot undo the hurt.
My tears cannot remove the pain.
My tears cannot save you.
My tears cannot even save me from the guilt that I feel.
My tears merely serve as a cruel reminder of the wishes that I made years ago.
You hurt me because someone else had hurt you.
I, in turn, wished hurt on you in the cruelest of ways.
I wanted you gone- removed from me forever!
I prayed constantly that you would leave my sight, never to return again!
I never wanted to feel that pain again that you inflicted on me.
I never wanted anyone else to feel that pain, either
So, I fervently prayed that God would banish you back to our motherland.
But then God changed me…
He began removing the hurt.
He began removing the pain.
He saved me!
But I never prayed for you…
My omission was not intentional,
But I did not pray for you.
Nor did I ever repent and try to reverse my initial prayers…
When I got the news that you were leaving,
I had no feelings; I had no emotions
Yet as the day approached, tears began to flow.
When D-Day came, I cried a bit…
But today,
The tears flow without end
My tears flow because you are homeless.
My tears flow because you are hungry.
My tears flow because you are without your child.
My tears flow because you are alone.
My tears flow because the home you have not known for 28 years, is now your only home.
My tears flow because I wished this on you many years ago.
My tears flow because I feel like I did not pray for you enough.
The reality of what happened to you hit me today.
Hearing that you arrived yesterday, with no food or shelter or money-
That reality hit me today.
Hearing that you only have the clothes on your back-
That reality hit me today.
Realizing that I feed the homeless here, yet you are homeless there-
That reality hit me today.
I should have prayed for you harder.
I should have prayed for you sooner.
I should have reached out to others to pray for you more.
I should have helped you more.
I should have removed the bottle from your reach.
I should have been a friend.
I should have been a better sister.
Ultimately, I should have cared about you.
But I allowed past pains to distance me from you forever.
I dwelled in my pain for too long…
I missed the best time to help you…
I ignored the best way to provide aid to you.
Yes, I know this had to happen.
Yes, I know you needed to grow and grow up.
Yes, I know that you alone are responsible for your current situation.
Yes, I know God does all things.
Yes, I know God does all things well.
Yes, I know these things…but my tears do not.
My tears cannot undo the hurt.
My tears cannot remove the pain.
My tears cannot save you.
My tears cannot even save me from the guilt that I feel.
But my tears are my heart’s prayers…
My tears talk to God on my mouth’s behalf.
My tears are heard and seen by God Himself.
My tears pray your survival.
My tears pray your strength.
My tears pray your sobriety.
My tears pray your serenity.
My tears pray your salvation.
My tears pray for your complete healing.
My tears pray that we will meet again.
My tears pray.
*For a better understanding of the significance of this poem, please read the following blogs:
God Happened To ME Ministries, LLC 