I wanted to quit…

When I started this second round of weight loss I weighed in at 314.4lbs on November 1, 2016. I began by eating at least five small meals a day and then finally listened to the advice of my doctor by switching to a plant-based lifestyle on November 13, 2016. I will admit that while my diet was completely plant-based, it was not healthy at all, but the weight was slowly coming off, so I did not change a thing.

While meeting with God during E.V.E, He told me that it was time to make a real change and to really begin putting my physical health as a priority. With that, I decided that on January 1, 2018, I would cut out carbs not found in fruits or veggies. For this Jamerican woman, that meant no rice and no white potatoes (sad face). I have IBS-C and I am also borderline for Celiac Disease, so gluten was never supposed to be in my diet; it was time for me to make a change. When 2018 began, I weighed in at 245.4lbs and I was ready to see what this latest change would do to my body.

As the weight began to fall off more rapidly, I made a vow that I would begin exercising at 220lbs. I waited so long because I ALWAYS experienced weight gain when I exercised…so I did not want to exercise. My rationale was that at 220lbs, I would have lost enough weight to feel comfortable if the scale started to tip in the other direction (not my wisest moment). When I hit 220lbs on Sunday, March 4th, I knew that the time for exercise had come and that it was time to hold up my end of the bargain. On that Monday and Friday, I walked for 30mins around my neighborhood. I legitimately hate exercising but walking and dancing were never considered “exercise” in my mind so I do not mind working out that way. To my surprise, the weight was still coming off and I was able to hit 217.2lbs on my 16-month VeganVersary.  I was feeling good. I was feeling great! I even met with the Lord and listened as He told me to help others on their health journeys. He was literally calling me to help others heal- completely- including weight loss help and nutritional guidance. I just knew that this was another ministry lane that He was preparing me to tackle. I was excited! Yesterday I even walked to work! I was subbing at a school that was a little over one mile away and I decided to brave the cold weather and walk to and from work. I loved it. I actually hit 11k steps yesterday! Face it, I was winning!

But then I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a number that broke my heart- 218lbs. What? Why was the weight coming back on? I was exercising. I was walking. I was drinking half my body weight in water ounces. I am vegan and gluten-free, so I literally only eat fruits and veggies. WHY IS THE WEIGHT NOT RUNNING AWAY?!

I left the bathroom and fell on my knees for my morning prayer… except this time I told God that I was ready to quit because this always happened. Just that quickly I assumed that I had been wrong about hearing Him tell me to help others on their journeys…because clearly, I could not lose weight myself. I got all in my feelings, crawled in bed, and vowed never to eat again (yes, I am dramatic). But then #GodHappenedToME. He led me to an article that detailed why we initially see weight gain when we start exercising. In the time that it took me to read the first paragraph, I vowed (for real this time) not to quit. Losing weight the first time back in 2010-2012 was not easy and when I had quit, the weight came back on. But in November 2016, I committed to losing the weight with the Lord; He did not quit me, so I cannot quit Him.

Losing weight this time has revealed many things about myself that I did not know existed. I learned that I had a true addiction to food and I learned that I had made it my god (read about it here). In saying that I am “doing it with God this time”, that means that in the good or the bad, I will continue to hold His hand and allow Him to lead me through this journey. I am on a healing journey with Him… and He intends to heal the whole M.E.

I have many thorns to bear but God’s grace is sufficient and able to carry me through it all. I wanted to quit this morning, I really did, but God. Instead I decided to get up, prepare my breakfast, and write this blog. While it may not be you, someone needs to hear that quitting on this healing journey is NOT an option. Nothing about this journey will be easy. This journey may even come with some perceived setbacks… but we must persist.

I will keep on exercising.

I will keep on eating healthily.

I will keep on seeking God throughout it all.

I was just about to quit, but #GodHappenedToME and now I must continue.

Be blessed.

(This is a picture of my “It’s my day off” breakfast and mid-morning snack: cucumber slices, apple slices, a few raisins, Tofurky “lunchmeat” with Chao cheese rolls, Gardein crab balls, and Lemon Ginger tea.)

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