God’s will, God’s bill…

In June 2016 I decided to move to Virginia with my then-boyfriend. I thought the move would be the answer to our relationship problems and my personal problems. I really thought that move was going to be the solution to everything that weighed on me, from my emotional weight and the physical weight following my time in the Dark Place. On that first day that I moved to Ashburn, I drove over to the DMV and converted my Maryland driver’s license and car registration into their Virginia counterparts. I was ready for the change; I was ready for a healing. Except I never factored in one thing, that this move was not of God.

The Lord saw fit to place me under the wise and discerning leadership of Rev. Ronnie Henry and Rev. Dr. Keith Harris at Hope Christian Fellowship Church of Adamstown, Maryland. I cannot even begin to explain what this placement and church family has done to my life in my three years of membership. Even considering the fact that I was not mentally at this church for six months and not physically there for another 12 months, this branch of Zion has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. My pastors are so attuned with the Lord, that they literally wake up spitting knowledge, wisdom, and biblical truth.

Earlier this year, Rev. Henry said in another sermon that when it is God’s will for something to happen in our lives, He covers the bill. When I heard that, my soul immediately reacted and nodded in agreement. Memories of the financial and physical woes of the past 21 months (the time since I moved to Virginia) came flooding back to my mind and that is when I knew for sure that God had NOT ordained that move.

I struggled immensely with writing this post because I did not want to reveal the financial aspect of my life. Sharing my weight and overall life story comes a bit easier…but this is hard…so here goes…

Ever since my last semester of undergraduate school, I have gravitated towards jobs that are not desirable and do not pay well. What they lacked in financial status, they made up for in moral and ethical status. I always loved being able to make a difference in the lives of others but in 2014, somehow, I lost sense of that and began gravitating towards the next high-paying job. I began desiring to climb the social ladder and seek title after tile, in an attempt to make more money. My thought always became “they don’t pay me enough to deal with this.” Money became more important to me than making a difference. Keeping up with the Joneses became more important to me than living within my means. So, when my money got funny, I borrowed (lines of credit) and continued to fall deeper into unnecessary debt. I lived in the mentality that some bills were out of sight and out of mind. I avoided paying bills that I thought did not directly affect me at the time. I was financially irresponsible and yet I thought that moving to a new city would somehow liberate my finances because the rent was a bit cheaper and payroll taxes were a bit lower. But my logic was severely flawed…

Instead I fell deeper into debt, and after being out of work for three unpaid weeks due to a car accident, I fell deeper still. By the time I lost my job in May 2017, I was so deep in debt that I literally owed every single person- from private student loans, to my dentist. But I had no income, so I just ignored things…. like the repeated letters from the Virginia Comptroller’s office stating that I owed property taxes for my car. Oh yeah, when I moved back to Maryland in May, I figured that I did not have to pay Virginia because I was no longer a resident. No, I did not call them to confirm this theory, I simply avoided the matter.

Fast forwarding through more financial ignorance, I arrived at January 2018- the month of my fast. I stated in a previous post that this fast changed my life, well here is why: I was completely broke throughout the entire month of January. God finally woke me up and caused all of my debts to come due in that month. He did soften the hearts of my lenders as far as payment plans, but the debt was still due. Throughout the entire month of January, I never had more than a few cents in my bank account (that’s the honesty that I did not want to share but I now know that I must). However, despite what my bank account said, I was never without everything that I needed to survive. God continued to provide a roof over my head, vegan and healthy food on my table, clothes on my back, gas in my car, and personal items that I needed. In fact, I learned that January was the wealthiest month of my entire life because it was in losing another god, that I realized just who the true God is. I mistakenly thought the only god that I had been worshipping was food, but January caused me to see that I was also worshipping money.

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. -Matthew 6:24 (NIV)

In my fasting during the month of January, I learned so much about my idols that needed to die, but I also learned about my God that needed to live. In giving life and light to the idols of food/gluttony and money, I gave no life or light to my Lord and Savior.

The idea of finally writing this post come to me on Thursday of this past week when I was finally financially able to convert my car title and registration back to Maryland. This means that I had paid back all my debts (pertaining to the Maryland MVA and the Virginia DMV/Comptroller’s Office) and am now able to enjoy the PRIVILEGE of being a Maryland resident. This entire experience cost me well over $1500 and 21 months of my life, and while it was painfully (and financially dreadful), it needed to happen. I have always been hard-headed and when it came to God, I needed stiff consequences in order to see my faults.

But Samuel replied:

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”- 1 Samuel 15:22 (NIV)

This entire experience has caused me to see that it is better to just be obedient to God instead of having to make sacrifices and struggle. When Rev. Henry said those four words of “God’s will, God’s bill”, I was comforted because I heard that when it is truly of God, He will provide all that I need.

Beloved, my message to you is this: when God calls you to do or be something, He will prepare you for it in every way. He will give you the qualifications, the preparations, and the provisions that you need to complete His task. He will NEVER leave you high and dry- He will provide abundantly.

When it is God’s will, He will always front the bill.

Be blessed.