Letters of Love Series: Dear Sister…

Dear Sister,

While you lay in a hospital bed in Florida, engulfed in pain from Sickle Cell Disease, I sit in a chair in Maryland, praying for your soul.

We are sisters, born from the same womb, yet we do not speak to each other anymore. Ever since our argument in July 2017, we have been nothing more than mere strangers towards one another. As the Lord has guided, I have continued to pray for you and I have even reached out to you to apologize and let you know that you were on my mind…yet you have ignored and dismissed every message. From blocking me on social media to convincing our brother to avoid and alienate me and our mother- you have made your hatred for me known.

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

We were thick as thieves when we were younger. Yes, you are 16 years my senior, but we were close. You were the “nice sister” that all my friends loved and loved to be around. You were the sister who travelled the world and would bring me back treasures to save and admire. And it was because of your frequent travels that you financially supported my random desire to go to London-by myself- in 2008. Yes, you were the sister that I admired because I thought you were fearless. Now I see that it is fear that causes your heart to harden so, as you are afraid of seeing the real you that is behind your disease.

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

As I got older, I grew into my own person. The woman that I grew into noticed many inconsistencies within you and I slowly began to pull away. Little by little, our close relationship suffered from our physical and emotional distance. I will admit, my severe bouts of depression played a role in our separation and our relationship never really recovered after my ex and I broke up. You were trying to help me by saying that I could lose weight and find a new man…but in truth, it hurt me that you could say that to me. I realized in that moment that I had never been good enough for you. What I thought were genuine moments of bonding were actually moments of you trying to make me into you. You wanted a miniature version of you, but as you often pointed out, I was fat and an American, so I was not like you.

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

For everything good thing that happened in my life, you found a negative spot to point out. At every celebration for me, you monopolized the situation and made it about you. If I was on Cloud 9 for whatever reason, you found a way to send forth the rain. You have hurt me so much over the years, in ways that I cannot even fully explain in this letter, but…

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

Like all of the women in our family, your childhood story is a story of great pain. That emotional pain, coupled with the physical pain from your disease, caused your heart to harden, shut out those who meant you well, and drift towards those who were of a benefit to you and your life. We were not wealthy, and we were not well travelled, so you drew apart from us. You distanced yourself from the only family you had and raised your child in isolation because we just were not good enough for you, and that hurt like a million knives to our hearts, but…

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

Our argument in July was big because I released years of repressed anger and pain on my part. However, it was also big because you wanted it to happen. You wanted a reason to not have to stay and visit our mother. You wanted a reason to be with your more affluent friends…and I, like the naive woman that I was, fell into your trap. I thought our argument would be between us, but you allowed your daughter, my niece, to watch and now her hatred for me runs deep. Actually, she now harbors hatred for me, our mother, our sister, and our six-year old niece…because you taught her to hold hate in her heart, not love.

Yet and still, I pray for your soul.

When mommy told me that you were in the hospital, I immediately put you on my prayer list. For me it does not matter whether we are on speaking terms or not- you are my sister and you are sick, so I will pray for you. But I will be honest, I am praying for more than just a physical healing of your body…

I am praying for your soul.

I pray that God would soften your heart towards Him and allow you to heed His Words. The Bible is full of scriptures that talk about forgiveness and how God forgives those who can forgive others. (Matthew 6:14-15 is an example.) I am not saying that we need to be the best of friends, but I am asking that you learn how to forgive…for your own soul. It took me 24 years to forgive our brother for what he did to me, but now I live in the peace that comes with forgiveness and I wish that for you. And that is why…

I am praying for your soul.

I am beginning to see that one of the reasons why your physical body is giving out on you is because your spirit is not healthy/well. What happens to us on the outside occurs as a direct result of what happens to us on the inside. When we are spiritually healthy, our external bodies reflect that health. That is just one of the amazing blessings from our Father. Growth starts from the inside; healing starts from the inside… this is why…

I am praying for your soul.

I pray that God would completely fill you with His love and light, so that there is no room for anything else, least of all hatred. I pray that God would show you the love that exists within His Kingdom. I pray that God would teach you how to love Him, yourself, and others. I pray that God would wash you and cover you with the blood of the Lamb, forgiving you of your wrong and allowing you to forgive others of their wrong.

I pray that God would save your soul.

I cannot express enough how much peace exists within the will of the Lord. When we let Him into our souls, He is able to completely heal us in ways that we cannot even begin to believe. Hurt people, hurt people… but healed people, heal people. When I was hurt, I continued to hurt others. However, when I was healed, God began to allow me to help others heal. We have had our differences and we have had our disagreements, but until we both cross to the Other Side, you are my sister and there is nothing we can do to change that. The blood that runs through you also runs through me; we are the beginning and the ending of mommy’s womb.

I will always love you- even unto death- and I will forever pray that God would save your soul.

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