When GD and I broke up in September of 2016, I was initially devastated because we had been together for 2yrs plus we were only 3 months into our new lease. I literally thought the breakup was the worst thing that could happen. I cried periodically and even sought wine and food as comfort for my pain. But in my pain, something beautiful happened- I could finally hear God again.
Prior to my relationship with him, God would speak to me through my dreams. Now to be fair, God spoke but I rarely listened. You know, with me being hard-headed and all. When God spoke, He would give me direction on how to live my life, what steps to take, and even let my ancestors converse with me. I used to love our time together. I hadn’t really noticed that I stopped hearing from God the moment I decided to put my relationship with a man before my relationship with God. Truthfully, I thought God had blessed my relationship with GD but it turns out He had not (I’m sure my bestie has a devotional or blog coming out soon that will spiritually address that topic). Hearing God’s voice was so soothing and comforting. Hearing His voice changed my life for the better.
His plan for me…
The day that I heard God’s voice, He told me to come out of my dark place and see His light. Admittedly, this was funny to me because I thought I had already come out of my Dark Place but He wanted more. He wanted me to start living, not merely surviving. You see up until this point I was only doing the bare minimum to survive my life. I was existing. I remember seeing a FB post from a friend where he was talking about his “dash time.” When we die, our obituary or tombstone will have our birth year and our death year. In between will be a dash, representing the years of our lives. Our “dash time” is the years that exist between our birth and our death. He was saying that he wanted his dash time to be well lived and celebrated. I finally realized that God wanted the same for me. It wasn’t enough for me to just wake up every day, go to work, and then come home. I needed to be doing something meaningful with my life.
Another day on FB I read an article that listed the top things that single women in their 30s needed to do. One of the items on the list was to travel. Naturally, I texted my best gals and told them that we were going to Canada for a weekend in November- just because. I told them to find their passports and get ready because we were going to drive up, hang out, and then come home. So the weekend before Thanksgiving, my bestie and I drove to Detroit, met up with the mother of my Godbabies and we went to Canada. We visited casinos (just for the 24hr music and fun), did a distillery tour, and got spa treatments. These two women have been in my life for 23yrs and 20yrs- they are the bestest (yes, that’s a word today) friends that I have and they were the catalyst to fulfilling God’s plan.
When I returned from Canada my mind was set on moving forward. I realized that I wanted to write, I wanted to travel, and I wanted to smile. Those three things seem so small but they were all that I wanted. I had been unhappy for so long that all that I now wanted was to be happy. I was ready to put myself and my dreams first- no matter the cost.
That was God’s plan. He wanted me to live.
Out with the old…
I knew that 2017 would be my year. An author friend of the family shared the outline for creating a vision board and I wondered if I should complete one. My bestie swore by those boards and a lot of successful women around me said that the boards help with planning and providing guidance. So I took a chance and created the board. I soon realized that I was enjoying myself and that I could see my future coming together. As I completed the board, I prayed and prayed…and prayed some more. I wanted God’s presence and blessings all over that board (and my life). I did not want to do anything without His say so. It was literally His way or it wasn’t happening. I told God “yes” … and I meant it.
As was my childhood ritual, I returned to Watchnight service on NYE. At the altar that night, I declared, again, to God that I would do as He wanted. He heard my prayers and He began moving accordingly. Be careful about telling God yes…
The new year started off normal but I slowly began to wonder when God was going to make His big move. I began to rush Him and ask Him to hurry His plans. I even attempted to “help” Him. In February He kindly reminded me that my help was not needed when He allowed me to be in a car accident. You see, I was coming back from a weekend trip with a man that I had begun to plan a life with. I had decided that I wanted to move south to pursue a relationship with Him and start my own life but I never consulted God in the matter. God needed to slow me down so that I could hear Him again. The accident, while extremely painful, was the biggest blessing. It caused me to slow down and just be still.
The accident coincided with the season of Lent- a time that I had already decided to dedicate to fasting and deep communication with God. Having the accident at this time helped me to give God my full attention. I laid in bed for 3 weeks communing with God- it was like a spiritual retreat in my own home! It was a blessing. One that I don’t care to repeat, but a blessing nonetheless.
But I said yes…
I honestly assumed that saying yes to God would bring on this flood of easiness and success. That’s what I wanted, but that’s not what I got. Instead I got moments of uncertainty and doubt, tear filled nights, and issues piling sky high. But it was in those moments that I sought God. I poured out my heart to Him and began to cast all my cares unto Him. Each issue or problem tried to break me but it actually caused me to rest on my faith just a little bit more. It was hard, no doubt about it, but I had God and that was enough. My Yes did not start off easily but it is coming together.
This weekend I will get the opportunity to speak at a women’s conference about my sexual assault testimony. If that wasn’t a blessing enough, yesterday I got a chance to meet the other speakers and hear a bit of their testimonies. Hearing how God had blessed and delivered others was so inspiring. I realized that in telling God yes, He was surrounding me with the people who would help me fulfill His plan. I cannot currently see how everything will come together but because I know God is in the midst, and because I trust Him wholeheartedly, I know that it will work out for His good.
That’s the power of Yes. We may not immediately understand what God has planned, but when we say Yes, we are telling Him that we trust Him to handle it all. A common misconception is that when we relinquish control, we are giving up. Truth is, when we relinquish control, we are telling God that we have faith in Him handling His own plan. As I’ve said before, God is the architect of our lives. He made it all; He is the one with the plan. Since He is the designer, He knows better than anyone how everything will pan out. Turn to Him and trust Him to guide your life. I guarantee you it is harder to go against Him than it is to go with Him.
When you are in trouble, go with Him.
When life gets too hard, go with Him.
When you are at your last, go with Him.
Give Him a Yes and let Him work through the rest.
There is power in your Yes.