Go by yourself…

I was supposed to graduate from college in 2008 but due to changing universities and changing majors (a total of 2 universities and 4 majors), I was not going to be graduating that year. My bestie, Amy, was at Howard studying Swahili and her class was planning a trip to several countries in Africa for the summer. Knowing that she would be gone for a month, I decided that I wanted to go somewhere, too (although Africa was not an option). I reached out to my eldest sister and begged for her to finance my trip to any city overseas. Surprisingly, she agreed! After doing some quick research, I decided to journey to London. My sister paid for the flight and my mother paid for the hotel. The trip was planned for May 2008 and I was ready to go. One small, weird part- I was travelling alone and staying in London by myself.

The “travelled to London alone” part is normally where people look at me like I am a weirdo. I mean, I kinda am, but that’s not why. I wanted to sees new country and no one was available to go with me so I went by myself. That is actually very normal.

To be very honest, I was so nervous on the flight and when I first arrived that I wanted to run back home and try again with my bestie in a few years. I think I was just in shock. It was the first time that I had been on a plane since I was 4yrs old and I was by myself, travelling to a new country. But it turns out that I wasn’t really alone…

That first day in London, I went to my hotel room, called my family, and locked myself in my room. Between the time difference and cultural difference, I just needed to rest and recuperate before starting this adventure. The following day I got up and explored my surroundings. I wanted to see the Land of the Queen- the true English culture. I shopped with the locals and blended in so much that I even got hit on by a guy who thought I was British (until I opened my mouth and my Baltimore accent came out). I spent every day growing closer with God and myself. My walk with God wasn’t very strong back then but I am still able to recognize His presence in my life during that time.

To this today, if something seems terrifying or too new to understand, I whisper to myself  “you went to London with God, you can do anything.”

The lesson learned…

I was so scared to travel alone! I mean, this was post 9/11, I was by myself, and I was in Europe! [insert loud scream!] But I wanted my own adventure and no one could go with me. That’s just how life is sometimes. No two people are just alike and not everyone matures at the same rate or at the same time. If we were to sit and wait for others to be ready on our time, we would be waiting forever. When God speaks to us and gives us instructions or an opportunity, He expects us to respond immediately.  You have to move when God tells you to move, even if it means going alone.

One thing that I am learning on this healing journey is that not everyone will understand my method, my process, or my journey. My own mother does not understand [right now] what I am doing. She thinks that I should just “move on” from my past and let it go. When I heard her say those words to me yesterday morning as I discussed my journey with her, I was heartbroken. She really didn’t understand. I expected her to support my journey and even cheer from the sidelines, but she is not ready…so I must go without her.

Because God has called me at this time to fulfill His will for my life, I have to go now. I have to pack my metaphorical bags and go where He has instructed me to go. And in keeping with the spirit of honesty, it’s His journey for me- not everyone will or can come with me. God calls us when He knows we are ready (which is different from when we think we are ready) to perform the tasks that He has chosen for our lives. At that point, we must just go. On His journeys, there is no room for doubt or fear- and that’s sometimes why we must go alone.

As a result of this trip nine years ago, I tend to go places alone- just me and God. Just today I took a quick adventure, just because. After my nap following 8am service, I threw on some clothes, grabbed some lunch, and then went to a local park (the feature picture was taken at Baker Park in Frederick, MD). That’s me. I am quick to go to the park alone; drive to PA, VA, or WV for some lunch alone; or just go to a movie by myself. Not necessarily because no one else wants to go, but simply because I like my quality time with God. That trip taught me that even when no one else is physically with me, God is always there to hang out with me.

Going it alone…

Beloved, trust me, prior to my trip to London I was the poster child for having someone go with me somewhere. My poor best friend was always my go-to person for everything. Even if I went to the bathroom, I would expect her to travel with me. I preferred to have her permanently attached to my hip. She hated my clingy-ness but she appeased me because she knew I needed it at the time. Bless her heart!

My biggest fear used to be growing old alone. Just the thought of being alone scared me. But then God happened to me. That trip allowed me to see that even when no one else was with me, God was always there. God was always there, He is always here, and He will always be there. He is faithful. While we cannot depend on humans all the time, God has never and will never abandon us.

Reflection…

God will never send you on a journey that He has not fully prepared you for. Even with this healing journey that I am on, God started working on me years ago, in various ways that I did not recognize until now. And just like He has been steadily preparing me, He has been preparing you for your journey. So when He calls you for the task, JUST GO. He is with you and has already given you every tool needed to complete the task. But not only do you go when He calls, go even if no one else understands or is willing to go with you. Sometimes you just have to go alone, knowing that God is already with you.

Be blessed.

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