I woke up this morning with a slight headache, some joint pains, cramps from Mother Nature, GI issues, and stuffiness in my ear. (Am I in my 30s or my 70s?) Clearly, my entire body had conspired against me and decided that today was going to be the day to act a complete fool.
Anyway, I persisted with my morning rituals:
- Stepped on the scale- number was depressing.
- Checked my direct deposit- another saddening number.
- Prepared my morning cup of tea- which I am completely out of (note to self: add to grocery list).
- Fell on my knees and had a breakdown- Wait, that’s not normal!
I knew why I was crying. I felt overwhelmed today. The physical aches and pains were all too normal but I was overwhelmed by all of LIFE hitting me at once.
I often wonder why life can’t hit me in stages. Why must everything come at one time? It’s like an unfair boxing match- as soon as I attempt to get up, here Life comes with another 1-2 combo to completely wipe me out.
And today I just couldn’t deal.
I had gone back to my room, fell on my knees and cried to my Heavenly Father. Literally. It wasn’t much of a prayer; it was just moments of sobbing and Viola Davis snot combined with “please, Lord” every few seconds.
I had left my iPad in the bathroom and it was playing the “Traditional Gospel” station on Pandora. In the midst of my tears, I could hear Marvin Sapp’s “He has His hands on you” playing in the background (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1WQLipTwRQ). Despite the distance and my spotty hearing, I allowed the song’s words to speak to my heart’s deepest needs:
(He sees) He sees the tears you cry
(And He shares) He shares your pain inside
(And sometimes) And sometimes you wonder why He allows you to go through what you go through
(Listen) Just know He has His hands on you.
He has his hands on you
He says He’ll see you through
When you cry He’s holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide
Just know He has his hands on you
The peace that I felt listening to those words cannot be described. I was reminded that God was always right beside me and that my cries and needs did not go unheard.
So why did I still feel sad?…
I’m not perfect and I would never attest to be. In fact, I am so flawed and imperfect that I often wonder why God even deals with me. But I am reminded of how much He loves me… damaged goods and all.
Real stuff alert!
While at work, I spent much of the morning still in an emotional funk and I was just ready to go home, back to my warm and loving bed. My bed is not judgmental. It does not mind how long I’ve been gone, it welcomes me with open arms (much like God, but I digress). I just didn’t want to face today.
I get like this sometimes. I have some really good days and then I have some days that are best completed from my bed. This morning definitely started off as the latter. While I may be a rape SURVIVOR, I still suffer from Depression and its deathly grip on me on the regular. It’s a constant struggle.
So how do I cope?
At first I used to turn to food as a comfort (especially during my time in “The Dark Place”) but I now realize that only brings more pain. Now my healing is found through Christ.
It may sound cliche, but it is the truth- the more I hurt, the faster I turn to Him. In fact, I consider my sobbing prayer this morning to be a major sign of success. In the past I would have just called out, held in all of my emotions, or actually run from God (I’m just being real). However today, I gave it all over to Him. For it is written in Matthew 11:28-29 KJV “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” God wants us to turn to Him in our time of LIFE!
When we feel happy- turn to Him.
When we feel sad- turn to Him.
When we feel overwhelmed- turn to Him.
As long as we have breath in our bodies and can feel anything- turn to Him.
Recap: So I should give it all to God and find rest/peace in Him??? YES!
God never promised that the journey would be easy; He simply promised that He would be with us every step of the way. Turn to Him. Trust in Him. Allow Him to give you rest.