Anxiety is the ultimate thief of all things good and pure in my life.

---

I have been looking forward to July 2025 ever since July 2024! With two big adventure trips scheduled, my heart has been full of excitement, and I have been mentally counting down the days. Yet this month has been the bedrock of so much anxiety and inner turmoil, stealing the joy from not only the present day, but also clouding the sun of tomorrow and distorting the truth of yesterday.

It all started months ago…

As the stress was piling up in my life, my body literally started to cave under the weight of all the things. In March, I had an upper respiratory infection; in April, I had Covid; and in May, I had another upper respiratory infection. I was constantly on the go, and my Google calendar was a colorful representation of the busyness that consumed my time. Every minute of my day was allocated to something, and I had planned out everything down to bathroom and water breaks. It was bad, y’all.

When June came, and I assumed that everything would be better, I was greeted with medical difficulties that left me emotionally immobile and spiraling out of control. From my tooth being pulled and an implant placed on the 6th, to finding out that I have clusters of calcification in my left breast and a cyst in my right breast on the 13th, this month has been overwhelming. For 24 days, I have been eating soft foods (namely, carbs) and only chewing on the left side of my mouth so that my right side can heal, all the while praying that nothing now happens to the left side. As I stare at both the scale and my fattening face, feelings of disappointment overwhelm me, and that stress consumes me more. And wait, there’s more!

As I drove to church yesterday, the Lord was finally able to sit me down and have a real conversation with me. He informed me that everything that I had experienced physically for the last few months was due to stress. Yes, the issues in my breast and teeth are real, but everything else- the weight gain, the overeating, the insomnia, the anxiety, the thinning hair- is stress. He had to remind me of my high school years when I was consumed with pain, but it turned out that my issues were psychological, not physical. That was true then, and it is still true today. With every anxious thought and feeling of stress, my body was weakened and continued to fall apart. I realized this past weekend that I cannot continue to live like this, or else my body will not survive. It was a stark realization that both humbled me and comforted me… and I pray it does for you, too.

---

Beloved, take a moment to Google Quita Cole and allow her story to sit with you for a little bit. When I heard about her, my heart broke! I thought of my maternal grandmother and how she retired at 65, and passed away before her 66th birthday. I thought of my mother, who works so hard, and how I pray that God would strengthen her through it and that Quita’s and my grandmother’s stories would NOT be her story. Lastly, I thought of myself. How I continue to pile onto my plate to the point where the plate becomes unrecognizable and overflows with “stuff.” I want to be able to enjoy the world that God has created and live a fruitful life, but the more I add to my plate, the more I cut that life short. Every YES adds stress and takes away from my body’s and my mind’s much-needed rest. When I say YES, I overwork my body, and then my mental health slips, and once that slips, my physical health suffers more. It’s a grueling cycle; my heart is willing, but my body is not. And that’s ok!

But, I just wanna be happy.

After I went to the gym yesterday morning, I decided to wash my locs during my shower before church. The first song to play on my Spotify Playlist was “Wanna Be Happy?” by Kirk Franklin. As I washed, my heart consumed the words of the song, and I felt God’s arms envelop me tightly. I just want to be happy, Sweet Friend! I am so tired of this cyclical pain and distress, and I just want to be free. I do not want to be consumed with the anxiety that I know God’s grace is sufficient enough to handle. God’s Word says so many times that we need not worry and we need not be afraid… so why am I hanging on so tightly to what He told me to let go of?

For the entire month of July, I am doing some things differently. In addition to my traveling, I will be stepping away from the obligations of my computer, my phones, and social media. My daily prayer videos, this weekly blog, and my monthly livestream will all be paused for July as I focus wholly and intently on three things:

• My physical and mental health.
• Being present in each moment before me.
• Casting my cares on Him (because He cares for me).

This is HUGE for me. Since moving to a weekly blog about six or seven years ago, I have not missed a Monday writing (except for that one time in December when it posted on Friday, not Monday). Writing is cathartic and brings me an immense amount of joy, yet when what I love becomes an obligation and a necessity to meet a deadline, the love fades and the quality becomes diluted. I truly believe that for me to endure this marathon of life and ministry, I must pace myself and take this break right now.

I will miss you, and I pray God’s continued blessings and protection over your life. Lord willing, we will both return in August, stronger and ready to finish out the remainder of 2025.

I don’t know about you, but I just wanna be happy, and this is my pursuit of happiness.

Be blessed and Happy July, Beloved.