Maybe it’s the ADHD, but I love to consume content and multitask while doing it. When reading a book or watching TV, if something occurs that I do not like or agree with, I typically do one of two things: 1. Stop watching/reading out of frustration or 2. Fast forward to the end to see how the story develops. Doing this allows me to not sit in the yucky feeling that consumed me when I read/saw what I did not like, but instead, fast forward to a happier place in the story. After having experienced a depressing childhood, as much as possible, I do not want to consume similar content. Fast forwarding spares my mind and emotions from sitting in limbo, curious and anxious about what will come. For years, I tried to apply this logic to every area of my life, but, unfortunately, my life is stranger than fiction.

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Despite valiant attempts to fast forward through life’s difficult moments, I often find myself amid a waiting (or even, wading) season of my life. A season where I can do nothing but just sit and ride out the turbulent waves that are crashing around me. For someone who cannot swim and is extremely impatient, those waiting/wading moments seem like an eternity, and worse yet, it seems like God is so silent during those times. I feel out of control of my own life, and I feel as though at any minute, the waves could completely consume and devour me. I hate that feeling, yet that is the constant ache that finds me as I wait/wade.

What will happen next?
How will that moment define or change me?
Who will I be after that time?

The questions of my heart and mind go unanswered as I navigate through the vast difficulties that consume me. At times, I feel as though there is a separation between my body and my spirit, and I feel as though I am a recurring cast member in the story of my life. However, it is also in those moments that I believe God can do His best work.

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I am reminded of the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. She was a faithful and devout woman of God living through the prime years of her life without the ability to bear children. As she looked around her, she saw many others conceive while her womb remained empty. During one trip to the City to worship and sacrifice, Hannah traveled with her husband so that she could petition to the Lord for her heart’s desire. Because of her empathic prayers, it was assumed that Hannah was drunk and almost sent on her way. Yet Hannah declared her sobriety and informed the high priest, Eli, of her specific request of the Lord. Discerning her sincerity, Eli blessed her, telling her to go in peace and asking God to grant her petition.

If you are familiar with the story, you know that Hannah was then able to conceive and did give birth to a baby boy who was named- you guessed it- Samuel. Hannah had committed Samuel and his life back to God, and as such, when his weening period had ended, she gave him back to God. If you are not familiar with the story of Hannah, I encourage you to read about her. She is one of my favorite women in the Bible!

The purpose of me sharing Hannah’s story is to say that in all situations, when we fast forward through the difficult parts of a story, we miss God’s working hand. If I had decided at the beginning of Hannah’s story that I didn’t want to read through her barren situation, I would have missed how God spoke through Hannah’s husband. If I had fast-forwarded, I might have missed how Hannah humbled herself before the Lord, crying and petitioning for her breakthrough. And if I had missed that, only choosing to read the “good” parts, then how would I know what God can and will do in my life if I just trust Him?

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Beloved, as much as I detest the less-than-glamorous parts of my story, I am humbled by the realization that those moments are the pieces that make up God’s greatest story of healing and redemption in my life. My story IS God’s story, and with Him, every part is a “good” part; no need to fast forward.

Be blessed.