Pause.

That was the one word that I distinctly heard from the Lord that morning. My first alarm had just gone off, and as I was rolling into alertness, my heart stilled a bit as I heard God speaking softly to it.

Pause.

While I’ve never been the combative or quick to fight type, I have been known to slay my enemies with the viciousness of my words. My tongue has always been slick. Even going back to my middle school years, I recall never really having to physically fight anyone because my words were deadly enough on their own. I legitimately didn’t know how a pre-teen could speak so cruelly when provoked, but somehow I did.  Never the aggressor, I only retaliated when someone mistakenly assumed that I was weak and fragile, unable to defend myself from their attacks against me. Typically, this was a mistake that they made only one time.

Since my youth, I have simmered down a lot. My words still have the power to enact change… yet only God Himself can open the valve that will allow my words to flow into receptive canals. Simply put, I still have the ability to be harsh (brutally so), but I now have to make the conscious decision to choose God and His love, over my own desire to inflict pain with my words. To be honest, it is not easy. My pain always wants to speak first, and right after my pain, my anger shows up ready to slay dragons with its mighty sword. I feel like when it comes to my speech, I am truly living the words that Paul spoke in 2 Corinthians 12:7 and thankfully, God is constantly reminding me that His grace is sufficient, as He did in verse 9 of that same passage. When my day began, I did not know what God was going to do in the day, but when I heard Him speak that one word to me, I instantly knew that only His grace would sustain me.

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Not even a solid 2 hours after God had spoken PAUSE to my heart, I was at my desk reading an email that sent me into a state of anger. It was a continuation of a conversation that I had been having with someone, and, clearly, this person did not know who I was. In my humanity, as I read the email, all I could think was, “oh, she got the right one today!” Now, if you are not familiar with African American Vernacular, when a Black person (especially a Black woman) says that you’ve got the “right one”, you in fact DO NOT have the right one and you should cease your mission immediately. The sender of the email had clearly never known middle school M.E. and was unfamiliar with the sting of my words. For both of our sakes, I’m glad that email came to post-Christ Michelle…

After bulking in dismay, I hit the reply button, copied key colleagues and my boss, crackled my knuckles, and prepared to go IN on this person. Yet as I went to type, I felt my hands shaking uncontrollably. As I looked at my hands, I heard the soft, almost whispering voice of God repeating His earlier word to me.

Pause.

Before I said something that would have felt amazing in the moment but might have cost me my job later, God needed me to pause. The shaking of my hands was God’s way of urging me not to be led by my emotions but instead by His steady hand. My unsteady hands reminded me of His strength, and I melted into His presence in that moment. My pause ushered in God’s peace, and I was so grateful.

I can’t say that the day went perfectly, but I had God’s peace, so all was well. Beloved, perfection should never be our goal. For if it is, then we will lose heart when we undoubtedly miss the mark. Instead, let us strive for God’s peace because that will always comfort us no matter what happens in life. Today, I pray God’s peace over you and encourage you to remember that when life gets too hard don’t quit, just…

Pause.

Be blessed.

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