This weekend was not supposed to go this way.
With jubilant anticipation, I packed and planned for a weekend on the beach with my fellow educators from around the great state of Maryland at our yearly convention. I knew that it would be a cold(er) weekend and that I most likely would not be able to actually get in the ocean, yet I was still excited.
For better understanding, I feel closest to God when I am near a large body of water and it is there that I feel the greatest sense of peace. Even though I cannot swim, when I am near water, I am able to disappear in the moment and be wholly present with God. I love it. I desire it more than you will ever know. So in the days leading up to this trip, my heart beat only for the eventual goal of spending time in deep fellowship with God. I wouldn’t need a lot of time- as just two or so minutes would have been more than enough- but I knew that the time with God would feel like both an eternity, while also not enough time.
I was so ready!
Additionally, I was looking forward to spending two days learning and growing with my colleagues. Ok, while I didn’t know every single educator in the convention center, I can confidently say that I knew their heart. As public school educators, we show up every day and give our all towards the betterment of all of the students that we serve. We know the pay is not great and we know that the work is arduous beyond words. Yet our commitment is not towards ourselves; selflessly, our commitment is towards our collective future because when our children succeed, we all succeed.
For two days almost 600 educators- teachers, support staff, and administrators alike- from all corners of the state flooded the streets of Ocean City, essentially reviving a town that seldom sees much traffic during this time of year. Let’s be honest, when the -Ber months (September, October, November, and December) arrive, people do not flock to the beaches on America’s Eastern Shore. Rehoboth, The Keys, Outer Banks, and other beaches that are shaped by the Atlantic Ocean are typically very cold during this time of year and the towns that surround them are barren desert towns, in comparison to their vibrant nature during the summer months. There is a season for everything… and this is not the season for the ocean. The colder waters and early setting sun leave our sandals and beach blankets stored away in totes for a bit and cause us to sit in a place of nostalgia until the day that we can return our waiting toes to their sandy homes.
Yet and still, I was ready!
I was so proud of myself! Even though I was away for work, I still made the decision to exercise every day. On work days, I arrive at the school 75 minutes early so that I can walk two miles around the building’s interior before starting my work day. Since this trip was scheduled over a work day, I still wanted to get at least my two miles in. Intentionally, I wore my Hokas so that I could hold myself accountable. Additionally, when I saw the close proximity of the convention center to the hotel in which I was staying, I made the executive decision that I would walk to and from the meetings both days. It was one mile each way and since temperatures were only reaching a high of the mid-60s, walking seemed like the best idea. Also, did I mention that we would be sitting all day in the conference??? Yep, walking made complete sense.
However, ambition drove me to do more and I wanted to still get my dedicated two miles in the morning. As such, I set my alarm clock for a time that would allow me to take my meditation, get dressed, head to the hotel gym, walk two miles, go to breakfast, and then walk to the convention center before the start of the 9am business meeting. I had an entire plan! So there I was at 6:45 am (a bit late), ready to walk my two miles.
My room was located on the 5th floor and, while I didn’t know which floor the gym was on, I knew that it was below me. I hopped on the elevator and traveled down, got lost and asked for directions before finally arriving at the well-tucked gym. (It was a hidden gem of a gym. 😂) There was one other guest in the gym at the time and he, too, was on a treadmill. As a woman who is 5’9”, the first thing I noticed when I stepped on my treadmill was how low the ceiling was in the gym. Aside from the low ceilings, the gym was nice and well-kept. I placed my bag for the day to the side, grabbed my phones (don’t ask why I have two) and earbuds, set my watch to record my workout, and then got started.
I was in a groove! On one phone I was watching the new season of The Lincoln Lawyer and on the other phone, I was editing and posting my Daily Dose of Chelle prayer video. As I was moving, I noticed from the corner of my eye that eventually my gym buddy did leave and that I was now by myself. Ok; cool beans! Yet it was at 7:13am that I received a text message that changed everything.
I was NOT ready.
In hindsight, I should have expected that this text would come at some point. Out of respect for the person who sent the message, the content shared, and the lives that the content affects, I will use discretion here. Yet I also honor my feelings and say that I try to never shy away from sharing my truth. The text that I received stated that someone who I thought was out of my immediate life, would be returning back into my life and that since the decision had already been made, I would have no say in the matter.
I felt silenced.
I felt betrayed.
I felt ignored.
Isn’t one of the benefits of adulthood being able to have a say in your own life? Isn’t this why we all fought so hard to get to age 18? Didn’t we all anxiously await the moment when the clock struck midnight and we entered our 18th year of life? Hmm, I know I did! I wanted adulthood so badly so that I could be in control of my life. Well, I guess the joke’s on me!
Apparently, adulthood only means that we get bills and bosses in the same swift stroke of the clock. The erroneous belief that I would be free to make my own choices in life did not come true for me 20 years ago. In fact, what I have seen is that I now have to work harder and with more intentionality to have my voice heard. My independence comes at a price and is not as “guaranteed” as I thought it would be.
I thought I was ready.
Today is Monday and I have been sitting with this news for three days now. The feelings that I had then are still present now*, the only difference is it’s three days later. When I got the news on Friday, I cried profusely. As I walked on the treadmill, I cried. As I sat at the breakfast table, I cried. As I sought God, I cried.
Yet, I’m glad that I did seek God.
So, here’s the beauty in God’s timing- it has continuously saved my life. I can unequivocally say that had I been anywhere else when I got the news, I would have had a devastating reaction. Whether it meant hopping in my car and angrily driving away (which I did the last time I got similar news), overly indulging in food that I did not need because I am an emotional eater, or going on a spending spree to try to numb my emotions, a poor decision always loomed in my mind. Simply put, I would have run away- physically and emotionally. Yet in being at the beach with my fellow educators, I had to be present in my emotions.
I had to be ready.
The ocean that I had anxiously pursued this weekend in search of healing and peace from God, was doing just what I had planned. Even though I had envisioned my ocean visit a different way, God’s plan superseded mine. And isn’t that how it always goes? I found myself so grateful that I was close to the beach because I was able to sit alone with God, feeling the warmth of His sun (Son) and His breath in the breeze, and hear directly from Him.
I needed that. I needed to be hugged and held deeply and intensely by my Abba in that moment and nothing else would have sufficed. Had I not been at the beach, I shudder to think how I would have reacted.
But God was ready.
Beloved, one thing that I know and love about God is His intentionality. He is the Creator of all and as such, He sees farther and with more depth than we could ever see. One thing that I must remember to never forget is that the same God Who perfectly positioned me in His safe arms to receive the news, will continue to keep me during this season … and beyond. I often forget; thankfully, our God does not.
He stays ready.
Be blessed.
*As you may know by now, I write these pieces in advance. When I wrote this, I truly felt every word… but God. By the time I scheduled this post- as the writing and the scheduling happened several hours apart- God had used a loved one to speak to me in a way that only He could. Tune in for next week’s piece to better understand my peace. I love you all.
God Happened To ME Ministries, LLC 
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