The general purpose is to avoid being in the way, yet this time, I seemed to be gravitating towards danger.

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I was born on the 3rd of September several decades ago. Right there in the middle of hurricane season, my mother birthed her fifth and final child in the charming city of Baltimore. One of the greatest “joys” of my life was waiting to see what the weather would like for my birthday each year. Would the season bring rain? Warmth? A cloudy overcast? Literally, only God knew. I remember when Hurricane Isabel slammed Baltimore in 2003. The flooding, power outages, and overall damage cost the city over $2M to repair/restore. As my family and I navigated days without electricity, I knew in that moment that being able to see my birthday was a blessing and if it was a birthday without rain, it was a double blessing.

One of my favorite things about living in Maryland is that we are a four-season state. By that I mean that not only does Maryland experience all four seasons, we can experience them all in one day (LOL, that’s a joke…kinda). Seriously, I’ve always loved the fact that tornadoes rarely occur or are not too severe; it gets hot, but never “the South hot”; it gets cold, but never “New England cold”; we experience earthquakes, but they are extremely rare; and we get hurricanes, but the devastation is often muted in comparison to other regions of the world.

Yet as I look back over the course of the last few days, my heart aches for those who experienced the full weight of Hurricane Helene. At the time of this writing, 95 people had lost their lives during this violent storm that made landfall on Thursday night in Florida. As I sat in prayer service on Friday night writing out the prayers in my heart, I found myself praying for those who were in the “storm’s path.”

It was a broad, general prayer meant to cover the millions of people impacted by the devastating storm. I wanted to include those who were without power, those who were flooded out, those who were stranded, those who were injured, and so many more so I just prayed for those in the path. In writing that, I recognized symbolism between what was happening with the weather and what was happening in my life- I too was in a storm’s path.

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For the past 32 years I have been battling depression, anxiety, emotional eating, and desires of self-harm as a result of my childhood trauma. Yet after fighting within myself for all this time, I was finally able to identify some important things:

• My feelings begin to present themselves after my birthday, which is both the changing of seasons and also around the time of my rapist’s birthday.
• Since I felt as though I had no control of my life and my trauma when I was younger, when I now struggle with control, I start to break down, one issue at a time.
• Adding items to my social plate- much like adding food to my physical plate- allows me to numb my thoughts and feelings, while also delaying the inevitable.

Currently, I am in the path of a great storm, a storm that would like to destroy me and negatively impact others if I don’t do something now. And as I navigate this storm, I am doing what we should all do in a storm- finding strength in the One Who controls the sea.

Beloved, today my pastor said something that I pray I never forget. As he preached from James 1:1-4, he stated that we have to give feet to our faith, meaning that when we are under pressure or pain, we must release that which was already within us and- prayerfully- that is unwavering faith in God. As he preached, I realized my faith was lacking. I praised God in the heights of my life, rejoicing with Him as He poured blessings upon me. Yet when storms arose, I pulled away, choosing to isolate myself from him. I truly didn’t think it was a problem; I did not see the error of my actions. Today I know that not trusting God with the difficulties of my life is just as bad as not praising Him for the blessings. In fact, failing to trust Him with the pains of life opens the door for Satan and his tricks to enter and cause irreversible damage. The same depression, anxiety, emotional eating, and feelings of self-harm that I had been experiencing had taken the lives of so many before me and if I was not careful, they would kill me, too.

I want to live.

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A storm’s path is a dangerous place to be. Storms cause damages, devastation, and destruction that extend far beyond what any price tag could ever reflect. Yet it is in that very path that beauty of God’s strength can be found. And sweet friend, I am praying for our continued strength in God today and every day.

Be blessed.

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Disclaimers: First, Beloved, I am in sincere prayer for all of those impacted by the devastating effects of Hurricane Helene. To those who sit without power (including many of my family members) and the families of the 58 victims, my heart aches for you all, and I bring those pains to our Father in prayer. Second, if you or anyone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please call 988 and get help. You are not alone; people care and want all the best for you.