At that moment, the world stopped spinning and time just stood still.
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I just froze a bit and uttered a gargled, “uhhhh….”

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For a reformed shy girl I surely do a lot of public speaking. If you would have told 12 year old Michelle that one day she would grow up and be speaking in front of large audiences, speaking online, and becoming a preacher and a teacher, she would have laughed in your face. I HATED talking to people when I was younger! In hindsight, I do not know what scared me so much about it. Maybe it was the thought that everyone was looking at me (because I do not like being the center of attention), or maybe it was just the fear that I would say something ridiculous and that’s what I would be remembered for in the days, months, and years to come. Whatever the reason, I ran from a microphone like a toddler runs from their bedtime and I offered no apologies for my avoidant behavior.

Fast forward 26 years. Now at almost 38 years old, I’m still against being the center of attention, but when the Lord wills, I readily grab a mic to talk. It’s still scary to me to some extent, but I recognize that it’s a calling that I have no way of escaping and I am both grateful for and deeply humbled by it. Speaking- in whichever capacity I am given- is a way for me to speak my heart and connect in a meaningful way with the people before me. It is truly a gift and a blessing, that I dare not take for granted anymore.

“Give an Early a mic and they know what to do.”- Aunt GiGi

Yet there I stood yesterday morning at the podium in the pulpit, struggling to find my words as it was just announced that there was an actual snake in the sanctuary, slithering on the floor in between the members of the church.

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My fear of snakes predates me and goes back into the youth of my mother. Just as my mother passed down the genetic makeup for her high yet full cheekbones, she also passed down a debilitating (and often irrational) fear of snakes. I don’t know if she ever had an unfavorable encounter with one, but I do know that for a Jamaican country woman who seemed stoic and unbothered by any animal, my Chickie did not fool with snakes. I remember one day in sixth grade someone put a baby snake in my desk at school and I nearly died when I saw/felt it. Yet I don’t recall my mother ever stating how her fear originated. Maybe on some level I never wanted to hear the story because an irrational thought might pop into my head. (Please understand that just typing the name of this animal is freaking me OUT!)

Yesterday morning our senior pastor preached about how the enemy comes up subtly (like the serpent in the garden) to distract us from what God has called us to do. He was preaching from Ephesians 6:10-13 and he had just stated that it’s never flesh and blood that we wrestle with, but that the enemy uses his wiles to hit us where true damage can be done, in our minds. Our pastor’s reference to the serpent in the garden was just one of the references that he used… yet I believe God used that particular example to get all of our attention yesterday morning.

For me to be as afraid of snakes as I am, it is probably the only animal that I have ever dreamt about. Over the years I have acknowledged that when I dreamt about snakes, God was causing me to face a fear that had been consuming me. Most times that “fear” related to my eldest sister, but recently I noticed that the fear was deeper and that the presence of the snake meant that God was about to demonstrate His divine strength in the midst of my weakness. Yesterday morning I stood silenced by God’s power in that pulpit. In the place where I go to worship and serve my God, my greatest fear entered… and God still reigned Supreme.

Wow!

I was in the pulpit because I was the Worship Leader for the day and since Pastor Henry had just finished preaching, it was time for me to offer The Invitation [to Christian discipleship]. As I stood in the pulpit, I saw someone stand and quietly yet swiftly try to get others to stand and move out of the way. God amplified my hearing and my eyesight (so, my wisdom) in that moment to be able to hear what was going on. In a moment of pure honesty, I did a quick check to make sure that I didn’t have any bags on the floor, before looking towards my mother to make sure that she was ok. Pastor Henry and I stood in the pulpit amazed, not at the commotion, but at the sovereignty and divinity of our God. He later noted that both he and I are known to bring props into the pulpit when we preach but that this was no “prop.” I stood in that pulpit and I was truly speechless (a rarity for me).

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As much as it scares me to type this, even with a little over four months left in the year, God is causing me to face my fears this year because He knows that in facing them, healing and growth will occur.

“God, can I grow without the pain?”, a question that my heart has asked often. To which God would always reply, “just look at the butterflies.”

Beloved, let’s look at the butterflies.

Seven years ago when God placed this ministry on my heart, He told me to use a butterfly. That was also the nickname that He had instructed me to give my middle niece because “she would bring about change in [y]our family.” For so long God had been saying that my life would mimic that of a butterfly because I’d experienced a rough beginning and would undergo a metamorphosis that would make me into someone unrecognizable from my humble beginnings. Yet the only way for me to get to the new place, would be to undergo pain.

Pain from my youth.
Pain from rejection.
Pain from starting over.
Pain from the unknown.
Pain from the wilderness.
Pain from growing.

While the pain may not all feel the same, God had to remind me that no growth and no good thing comes from a place of complacency; nothing can happen in stagnant waters. I have entered the chrysalis period of my life and it is time to reemerge in the beauty of God’s healing splendor.

Simply put, it is time to heal.

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Sweet friend, as I have stated from Day One, I am here to help YOU heal in Christ, as I, too, continue to heal. Thank you for traveling this journey with me. Take a moment to drink your water, wipe your sweat, fortify your shoelaces, take a quick bite of that granola bar and let’s resume this healing.

Be blessed.