You would think that after having overcome addictions to alcohol, sex, and profanity, that something like food addiction would be easy to shake off. But as I drove around late Friday night, eating cookies that I had just purchased from Wegmans, “easy” is not a word that I can use to describe any aspect of my life.
I wasn’t physically hungry but I was emotionally. Emotionally, I felt lonely and I was turning to food yet again to try to fill a void deep within me. The cookies were good and for a moment they caused me to forget about the fact that it was a beautiful Friday night in Frederick and I had no one to hang out with. The first six months of 2019 taught me that I overuse the word “friend” and with that revelation came the realization that I am very limited in the number of people that I can call when I just want to sit in the park and talk on a beautiful weekend night. And by limited, I mean I don’t have even one person.
As I ate and thought, the guilt of my actions started to kick in. I wasn’t hungry yet I was unnecessarily indulging in something that I thought would magically make me less lonely. Reality struck again with the bitter reminder that my late night snacking would lead to unwanted cushion on my hips and thighs. I felt so guilty that I came home and laid on the floor, staring at the inside of my eyelids and conversing with God. Unlike times in the past, I didn’t cry, but I silently poured my emotions out to my Abba… hoping that He would gently speak to my heart. And, like the God that He is, He responded with a familiar scripture.
Now, here’s the funny thing, this scripture has been taped to my bed frame for about 18 months… but in the wee hours of Saturday morning as my heart reconciled with itself, I saw this scripture for the first time. I looked up from my prayer position, read the words, and silently cried, knowing that God had answered my prayers. In that moment, God reminded me that He had delivered me from so many other vices and addictions when I simply put my trust in Him. I had let go of the matter and trusted Him to move in His own way.
It’s hard to break a tie to something that you need in order to live. Asking me to break a food addiction is like asking me to break my habit of breathing. Yeah, I kinda need that! There is no easy way to look at something that my body literally needs in order to survive and tell it- with Godly strength- that it will not control me anymore. But I have to do it. I have to let go of anything and anyone that tries to exert control over me, subjecting me to a bondage that Christ delivered me from.
What holds you in bondage?
But how do I do that? How do I actually walk in the faith that I have in my God and His ability to deliver me from bondage? Well, my pastor answered that question yesterday morning when he delivered this sermon. I must let the dirt work. While I may not understand why some battles were given to me, I must trust that there is some remarkable beauty that awaits me after the dirt does its job. I may not know how everything will turn out, but I do know Who is in control. I also know that in sharing my testimony of how God delivered me can help others see that they, too, can be set free from bondage.
So I trust and I share.
I trust in my God and His ability to move on my behalf, but I also share my experiences. I share because, truthfully, losing weight is easy but healing from what causes one to become overweight is not easy. My bondage to food is not merely an inability to stop bringing my hand to my mouth, it is deeply rooted in psychological and emotional beliefs that I need what sits in front of me or what my body craves. Breaking the yoke of this bondage will not be easy or pretty, but it necessary so that I can be free.
Will you pray with me?
Elohim Ma’uzzi, God of my strength, I come to You today, still tethered to the yoke of bondage. I humbly ask, Father, that You would indeed break this yoke and, as Galatians 5:1 says, never allow me to caught up in bondage again. With the death and resurrection of Your Son, Jesus, You set me free and Your word says that whom You have set free, that person is truly free indeed. So, Father, allow me to be free from whatever I have given temporary control over my life. Whatever it is, Lord, whatever it is that controls me, I break that yoke with the blood of the Christ. Forgive me for picking back up that yoke and deliver me from its hold. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
So, beloved, what holds you in bondage? Read Galatians 5:1 again and give it over to God in prayer and with trust.
Be free.
Be whole.
Be blessed.
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