A Sound Mind…

Fear told my insecurities that everyone disliked me.
My insecurities told my self-esteem that I was not worth getting to know.
My self-esteem told my mind to get all in my feelings.
My feelings told my heart to build a wall.

So, I built the wall that my heart was told to construct.
I kept everyone at a distance.
I built that wall for my heart’s protection,
But then I ended up in isolation.

When I hurt, no one could help.
When I cried, no one saw my tears.
When I screamed, no one heard my voice.
When I was lonely, there was no one to hold me.

I was obedient to my heart…
Who was obedient to my feelings…
Who was obedient to my self-esteem…
Who was obedient to my insecurities…
Who was obedient to fear…

I thought I had lost it.

I thought I had faced everything and rose.

I thought I had surrendered it all.

I thought fear was dead.

The thought of it continues to paralyze me.

Its name alone causes my body to tremble.

When I think of the life that I could live,
The joys that I could experience,
The love that could be felt…
But fear killed them all.

How do I cast out this fear?
How do I remove it from my life?

I pray…
Yet it is still there.

I hold my bible close to my heart…
Yet it is still there.

I talk to my pastors…
Yet it is still there.

I talk to my friends…
Yet it is still there.

What am I doing wrong?
Why is fear following me all around?
How do I break free?

I want to love,
I want to be loved.
I want to hold,
I want to be held.
I want to smile,
I want to make others smile.

I desire more than fear will allow me to do.
With its vice grip around my life,
Survival seems impossible.
But I will break free…
I must break free…
I must escape the gnawing pull of fear.

This bible,
This bible that I hold,
It says that I was not given the spirit of fear.
It says I was given power, love, and a sound mind.

A sound mind.

So, my mind told my heart,
And my heart told my feelings,
And my feelings told my self-esteem,
And my self-esteem told my insecurities,
And my insecurities told fear
They told fear that it was time to go.

And as my insecurities repeated the scripture,
Watching fear flee from its presence,
My insecurities began to fade away.
I felt lighter.
I felt stronger.
The weight of fear was gone.
The weight of insecurities was gone, too.

With fear gone I could breathe;
With fear gone I had peace.

I turned to see what was left…

My peace.
My bible.
My God.
A sound mind.

Peace on earth is great to say,
But peace in my mind was what I needed.

A sound mind.

With fear and insecurities gone,
I had power,
I had love,
And I had a sound mind.

2 Replies to “A Sound Mind…”

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