Throwback Thursday

DISCLAIMER: I wrote this random note on my iPad on August 17, 2016. ONE WHOLE YEAR AGO! I was in such a bad mental state at the time. I was in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship with a man that I thought I was in love with. I was at a job that did not appreciate me or my talents. And I was slipping further and further away from Christ.

But God!

Here I am, one year later, completely overwhelmed with how God is working in my life! He’s blessed me with a book; new, covenant friendships; and a desire to seek Him and His ways above all else. I praise God because the lost woman from the post below is NO LONGER M.E. In Christ, I am made new.

To God be the glory!

_________

I feel lost…
Like everything is crashing around me and I am forced to find my own way through a maze of confusion.
Like being deserted on an island of heteronomy with no one around to guide or lead me.

I feel suffocated….
Like all of the water in the world is being forced down my throat at once and I am somehow expected to breathe.
Like I am constantly walking around with a thick cloud of doubt, desperately desiring to end my pain.

I feel like a failure…
Like every step taken was not going straight ahead but actually returning like a boomerang, taking me in a perpetual circle.
Like for every thing that I try, I fail at two other things.

I feel…
A range of emotions that act as my floatation devices, keeping me from drowning in the ocean of my fears.
Like giving up and finally admitting defeat.
As though I’m just not cut out for the stresses of this world.

I am…
Trying and learning and growing, despite my pain.
Too stubborn to ever completely give up.
Going to win this battle and any other that comes my way.