Letters of Love (Part one)…

Dear Husband,
I never thought I would meet you.

Actually, that’s not true. I knew there was a husband for me, but there were men from my past that I thought were “the one.” As we both now know, I was very wrong about them.

I thought my past pain meant only a certain type of man would be attracted to me. Furthermore, I assumed that because of the brokenness that I had experienced, I would only be attracted to men who continued to hurt me in some way. My last serious relationship seemed normal from the outside, but the reality was less appealing. He and I only stayed together out of convenience but as we stayed, we continued to damage one another. When that relationship ended, I began to seek God all the more. In seeking God, I was able to love two people like never before- God and myself. It is because of my love for God that I am able to write to you today, even though we have not met yet.

Over the years, my faith has wavered- constantly riding an emotional roller coaster based on how a particular man treated me. I needed your love but you weren’t there yet, so I foolishly gave it to the men who were around me. As time passed, God revealed why each one of those men were not you. God removed the rest so that I could focus on the best; He continued to prepare me for you.

And yet here I sit, writing you this letter, before I have even met you.

I do not know your name.
I do not know what you look like.
I do not know when or how we will meet.
But I know that you exist.

I am at the point in my life when I pray for you often. I pray that God would continue to work on you in your walk with Him. I pray that He would strengthen you and help you throughout your day. I can feel when you are stressed or overworked and I pray that God would help you during your difficult times. I pray that He would fill you up so completely that there would be no void in your life. I pray that you (and I) are able to resist temptation. This earthly world is filled with so much sexuality and sensuality that I pray that we can both remain pure until the day we wed. Not the day that we meet, but the day that we wed. I pray that we are not only equally yoked in every way, but that we may also complement one another perfectly. I pray that we share similar views on some important core beliefs (Christianity, how to raise a family, eating habits, recreational enjoyment, and other family relationships and friendships….just to name a few).

I pray that you are nice and kind. It’s one thing to be filled with the Spirit and it’s another to actually be kind, with a loving heart. I love and live with my heart. My heart honestly does more work with my mind. While I don’t pray that you are the exact same, I pray that you do listen to your heart often. The heart is how we accept Christ so it is important that we have heart that is open to love. This is also my prayer for you. I also pray that because of your warm heart that you are not easily deceived. I pray that God fills you with more wisdom than Solomon. While your formal education completion level matters little to me, I do pray that you are smart and wise beyond your years. I pray that you desire to continue learning, as life is one of our greatest teachers. I pray that you love to travel and desire to see more of this beautiful world that God has created.

I tried to think of the perfect biblical character that I wanted you to be like. Maybe you could have a heart like David or maybe the wisdom and discernment of Solomon. Perhaps the faithfulness of Moses or the leadership of Caleb or Joshua. Then I considered Paul- he was a man with a serious past, but Christ called and changed him. I ran through every man in the Bible and realized that there was only one that I wanted you to be like: Jesus Christ Himself. I realized that all of the men in the Bible whom I admired the most had one thing in common- they had a heart and mind for God. Realizing that, I figured that if God sent me a man who chased after Christ and His ways, then Christ would work out everything else. Each biblical character had their flaws but they all accepted their human imperfections and sought God all the more. That is who I believe you are; you are a man who seeks The Kingdom and His righteousness, knowing that all other things will be added unto you.

My dear husband, as I have prayed many prayers to and for you, I pray this one important thing: that you would continually accept me for who I am. Through Christ, I have found myself and I know who I am now. Spoiler alert: I am NOT perfect. I am cushiony and fluffy (which means I give the best hugs). I have locs and they are unruly and untamed, doing whatever they want, when they want. I have multiple tattoos-each with their own meaning- and multiple piercings. Due to health reasons, I am Vegan… but I still have a bad relationship with processed foods. In embracing my natural lifestyle, I don’t shave often (yep, real truth) because I believe my beauty is more than where my bodily hair is located. I have a past and although Christ has delivered me from it, sometimes I do have emotionally hard days. Life with me will never be simple. In fact, it will always be an adventure. We will continue to learn and grow with every single day. While I do not promise perfection, I do promise love.

I promise first to love Christ with my whole heart and being. And through that love, I will love you until death do us part. I will love our union and the fruit that it will bear. I promise to love our children, raise them in Christ, and support their individuality. I promise to love our differences and appreciate how they complement us and make us unique. I promise to love your quirks; I may not like each one, but I appreciate that they combine to form the man that I love. I promise to love our time together, abandoning everyone and every device while we are alone together. Our time will be special… and OURS alone. I promise to love your family. I do not believe in “in-laws” so your family will be mine and I will love and support them as you do. I promise to love our time apart. I recently learned the importance of having individual time in a relationship. This time is not built on lies or deceit, but it is the time that we spend on or with our individual interests. I promise to love and respect this time. I promise to love your dreams. Because I love you and we both love the Lord, I trust that your dreams are of His will and I will love and support your dreams. I promise to love you no matter what doctors, lawyers, bank accounts, our families, our children, society, etc. may think or say.

I have so many promises that I will make to you over the course of our relationship and marriage but the most important one that I will make is to love God first and most. I know you will understand that He and His will come first. In seeking Him, we will both be guided in every facet of our lives. I promise you that if we default to Him and Him alone, He will guide our footsteps. Just as the sun rises every day even if you cannot see it behind the clouds, so does the Son rise every day and He guides us even when we cannot see Him.

I promise you many things but most of all I promise that there will always be three people in our marriage: you, me, and our triune God.

Even now, I love you will all my heart…

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