Unapologetic: A poem for you…

What offends you more?

Is it my full transparency?

The fact that I tell my truth about surviving what was meant to kill me? The fact that I make no apologies for being a lowly sinner saved by grace? Or maybe it’s the fact that I share every aspect of my life, hoping that it will save some young girl from her pain?

Or maybe it’s the fact that I have a past?

The fact that you were around for some of my past and you know how unruly I used to be? Maybe you think that because you know who I used to be, you cannot believe that God would save me and use me in His kingdom?

Or maybe you see my posts and think “here she goes again….” because you are not ready to deal with your own issues?

I tried, in vain, for many years to get people to hear what God had placed on my heart or what lessons I had learned but the truth is, until we are ready to receive and change, those words will always fall on deaf ears.

So what is it that really offends you?

Why do you feel the need to either speak to me with such contempt or ignore me all together as though my existence is an annoyance to you?

Whatever issues you may have with my message should be directed straight to the Father because He is the one who gave me my message, my voice to speak it, and a platform with which to share it.

But you won’t complain to Him about it. No, you would realize the lunacy in your words and the folly in your attempt too soon to even broach the subject…

But yet and still, you hate the messenger.

I am merely a vessel that God chose to use. If I shut up my mouth, God will just raise another to share His message. God always has a ram in the bush. God can always raise up another to share His words and do exactly what I am trying to do. I can be quiet for all of my days but the Lord will get His message out somehow.

Alas, your issue is not with me. Your issue is not with this vessel that God chose to use. It is not with my outward appearance or the fact that you think you know me and my past.

The issue is YOU.

You are not ready to hear about the freedom that is available to you through God’s word. You are not ready to cut loose the vices and idols that hold you captive. You definitely aren’t ready to relinquish control to our Father and let Him guide your steps.

I get it. 

I was the exact same way. I believed that this was my life and I could live it as I saw fit. This was my body and I could do with it what I wanted. I could sin all day long and then repent the night away.

It’s ok; I’ve really been there before.

I can vividly remember the gaping hole that was left in me from years of pain. I also remember trying to fill it with earthly measures instead of turning to my Father. It is because I remember that hole that I work all the more to allow Christ to fill me.

I gave Him my burdens, my fears, my tears, and my pains. In turn, He gave me His love, His peace, His comfort, and His protection.

So beloved, I get it- you’re not ready yet. 

I won’t rush you. Nor will I judge you for taking your time to come to Him. We live our lives as best we can and no one can be faulted for that. We all sin- we just sin differently.

So I will continue to pray for you… even until the day that you hear His voice.

Until that day, just know that I cannot and will not stop sharing the messages that God has placed on my heart. I will not stop using the voice that God has given me. I will speak boldly about my Savior and how He changed me. I will shout His praises from every mountain top.

Not because I am extra, but because He is just that worthy.

Do not be offended by my praise. Do not be offended by my testimony. Instead, praise Him with me and let us exalt His name together.

Be blessed.

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