“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson
I had a completely different blog planned for today…but then God happened to M.E. and I was fired from my job.
Before you feel sad and offer your sympathy, know this- I am actually happy about this separation.
That moment when I ignored God…
Back in December, God sent me a rainbow to remind me of His promise to me. I saw it, acknowledged His message, and began looking for my next career move. Simultaneously, I will given another “promotion” at work. It was at this point that I realized that whenever God was trying to get me to leave this job, I was given a promotion or raise of some kind. It would bide my time for a bit, but then I would be ready to leave again. I also realized that the promotions were a distraction to see if I would settle for complacency or continue to strive for God’s promise. Sadly, I continued to stay in my state of complacency every time.
Then 2017 came and God started shifting my entire life to fall in line with His will. I could feel my love for my job diminishing. I showed up for work physically but mentally and emotionally I was off living my dream. And then the car accident happened. While I sat home for those 3wks, I began to envision how God was going to shape my life. I even had a lengthy conversation with Him about my “perfect” work day. I even uttered the words “I wouldn’t be upset if my chapter at this job ended.”
I didn’t hate the people. I didn’t hate the job.
But I hated myself in the job.
What I learned…
God had told me back in December that I needed to leave but I didn’t listen. I gave Him a YES but never fully trusted Him to be able to work it out. So He allowed the accident to happen. While being out for the accident, I was able to hear everything that God was saying to me. He had greater planned for me but I needed to be still to hear Him.
So I listened.
And when I listened, He told me again to leave…but I didn’t… I stayed…out of fear.
I was afraid that I was misunderstanding what He was saying.
I was afraid that I would fail at this task.
I was afraid that no one would want to hear my story.
No, I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone and really “do something strange for a little bit of change” (a title of another blog of mine).
Here’s a bit of truth: if God told you to do it, YOU CANNOT FAIL!
What does this mean…
But here I sit, now unemployed, and I feel happier than I did this morning when I woke up.
I feel happy because I know that God is already waiting for me at the place that He has for me. He told me to leave because He already had a plan in place for me. He knows where He plans to take me. He knows the plan because He created the plan.
I feel happy because God’s timing is perfect. If you remember, my lease ended this weekend and I had to move back home with my mother. So even in my unemployment, I still have a roof over my head and every other material item that I need in order to survive.
I feel happy because I am free. I literally began to feel suffocated by my dreams at my job. I woke up everyday and begrudgingly went into a job that was physically killing me. I drove for 2hrs, each way, every day of the week (that equals 20hrs per week of driving). And then I sat at a desk for 40hrs a week. I spent 12hrs of every day sitting down. Medically speaking, I was taking years off my life with every completed day. The drive exacerbated my back pains from the accident and then the constant sitting at work sent my pain level through the roof. The job also worsened my Depression because I was so stressed about it, my performance, and my inability to effectively balance my work and home lives.
I was miserable and it was beginning to show in all that I did. So I feel happy because this termination gave me back my life.
There’s no time to worry…
I have a lot of work to do. God has already begun the shift in my life and it’s time for me to catch up with Him. It’s time for me to literally sit back and let Him be God and God alone.
Recap: I was fired but I am free.
I incorporated the quote at the beginning because we (yes, you and I) tend to run away from the very thing that we are meant to pursue. We allow our fears to paralyze us and make us think that we are not capable of achieving it. Truth is, not only are we capable of achieving success, but with God’s help, we are able to do more than we could ever imagine. Another truth is that we have to succeed because someone else is depending on our success. Every test, trial, and trauma was designed for someone else to see how we handle it so that they can survive when they go through the same situation.
What are you running from? What truth did God reveal to you that you are afraid to pursue? We all have at least one…pray for guidance in how to pursue your dream.
Trust God. Trust His plan. He’s already won the battle for you; you just need to show up.