As I laid in the fetal position on my bed, I cried out to God, begging Him to heal me from this debilitating addiction. And, thankfully, He heard, and He began to answer my prayer.
As I’ve shared before- God don’t play about me.
To all my fellow grammar folks, please forgive me because I am bilingual, and sometimes my AAVE just slips out. But that day, which I remember clear as cellophane, was the day when I finally accepted that trying to heal on my own was killing me, and I would die in vain if I continued down this path. I needed help- desperately- and I didn’t have time for pleasantries. I needed Jesus to step in and do what He does best- intervene on my behalf before the Father. I needed help because the methods I had employed in the past all had failed, and the failure alone was killing me deep inside. Without assistance, surely the steep price paid would have been my life.
So I cried inconsolable tears as I called out to God. My crying was so profound that at some point I became inaudible, and all that could be heard were the sounds of my heart. I needed God, and I needed Him badly.
Have you ever gotten to that point?
I promise I am not being overly dramatic, but in my opinion, one of the hardest addictions to overcome is a food addiction. For decades, I have used food to meet every emotion that I experience, to the point that my body no longer knows how to respond to any situation in my life without consuming food.
Look at it this way:
When we are celebrating, there is food (or alcohol, which I also cannot have).
When we are sad, we are offered food.
When we come home from a long day, we eat food.
When we travel, we grab food.
At a party, there is food.
At a wake/repass, there is food.
At sporting events, there is [overpriced] food.
At the gym, there is [healthy] food.
Movie theater = food
Arcade = food
Walking in the park = food
Gas station = food
Aside from your bathroom, I want you to close your eyes and envision a place where you spend a lot of time that does not contain food. And if you happened to think of a place, I’m sure in that location, your mind often drifts to thoughts of food. For many, food and thoughts of food consume our entire being!
In the United States, food has become such a major staple in our lives that it is no surprise that our obesity rate is one of the highest in the world. In fact, the US obesity rate in 2025 decreased to 37%, down from 39% in 2022, and that decrease has been linked to our rise in the usage of GLP-1s (Gallup, 2025). Many in the US have realized what I was realizing on that day in my bed- external help is needed to overcome this addiction to food.
When I first began my ADHD medication back in August, I didn’t know what I expected. I remember feeling a bit sad that I wasn’t going on the other medication that was known for weight loss. I figured that I could “kill two birds with one stone” by fixing my ADHD and losing weight at the same time, but I did not opt for the other medication and decided to approach Strattera with an open mind. In the first few weeks, I was losing weight at the same rate as my boyfriend, who was actually on a GLP-1. I remember telling him (and anyone who would listen) that the medication was “suppressing” my appetite, and weight loss was occurring. Well, as it turns out, the medication was NOT suppressing my appetite; it was changing my thought patterns and behaviors, which, at the time, mirrored suppression.
Everything appeared to be fine, with weight loss occurring every week, until winter break.
During what should have been a glorious 16-day break, I slowly began to realize that without my normal schedule and rigid structure, I became crushed under the weight of my thoughts and feelings, eating at every moment just because my hands needed something to do. The weight that I had lost over the previous weeks began to creep up on my tired bones, and I felt powerless to stop them from attaching themselves to me. Instead of being fully carefree, I learned during the break that once my calendar is free, my inhibitions have no guardrails and tend to do their own thing. I snack all day, stay up late each night, lounge in bed for hours at a time, and binge-watch everything under the sun when I do not have a set agenda. And even if my day involves only writing or researching, I turn to food as a distraction or a break from thinking and planning. (And even as I type this, knowing that I just ate oatmeal an hour ago, my mind thinks of the next thing that I will eat…)
Addiction sucks!
Merriam-Webster defines addiction as “a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly.” For years, after I had reported my brother and he was in juvenile detention for raping me, I found myself seeking comfort in a variety of things. Food and male attention soothed a part of my soul that seemed unreachable by therapy. My mother never said no to any of my food requests, so I ate all of the sugary cereals and desserts that I could get my hands on. Food never asked me questions; food never tried to hurt me. At that time, I was not thinking about the lasting effects of eating so much junk; I just knew that in the moment, it helped. As for men, flirting seemed to come naturally. It was very easy for me to poke out my oversized breasts and lure the opposite sex into my arms. I was still a minor, but my curves attracted people my age… and many who were older. I loved the attention. I loved the food. Whatever seemed to hurt me in the real world was soon forgotten when I indulged in one of those treats.
As I got older, I introduced one more thing- alcohol. I found myself always out with friends and consuming something. I wasn’t really a party-goer as a teen, but when I got to college, my desire to consume alcohol increased. I had experienced my first sip at the age of six at my sister’s party; however, growing up in a Jamaican household kept me within arm’s reach of rum for all of my life. Living on campus with no parents just opened me up to countless opportunities to drink. Every party came with alcohol; every outing came with a drink. Back in those days, I loved drinking Long Island Iced Teas because they had the most alcohol. Whether it was food, male attention, or alcohol, I was just desperately searching for moments when I didn’t have to hear my own intrusive thoughts. They were so loud, consuming every second of my day. Yet when I ate, I didn’t hear them as loudly; when I was with a guy, the thoughts were silenced; and when I drank, nothing mattered at all. I loved that time of my life so much. Everything seemed so perfect until Sunday, February 26, 2017.
I had been talking to this guy for over a month when I decided to drive down to Virginia Beach to spend the weekend with him. We had gone out that Friday night, and I remember I ordered my last drink- a vodka and cranberry. We played pool for a bit and ate, and then went back to our hotel room. That Saturday, he showed me around Norfolk, Virginia, and I even got a chance to dip my toes in the cold Atlantic Ocean. Later that evening, we retired to the room to prepare for service the next morning. He was the drummer at his church, and I was looking forward to seeing him play, as I hadn’t been able to do that in years. After service ended, we said our goodbyes, and I prepared for the almost four-hour drive back home. I was driving cautiously as I sang along to the music on the radio when- BAM- a work vehicle slammed into the car behind me, causing it to slam into me. I saw the first crash and tried to avoid it, but my body tensed up, and I did not manage to avoid the collision. I was hours from home and alone; I felt emotionally lost, and I did not know what to do.
Somewhere between the site of the accident and the Inova emergency department that I drove to, I made several bargains with God. One thing that I swore to walk away from was alcohol. Though it had been over 36 hours since my last drink, the person who had caused the accident was innebriated and that’s what sparked this whole ordeal. Somehow, that drive had caused me to see that I needed to walk away from drinking because I was not my best when I drank. I had already gotten to the point where I drank wine daily to unwind, and I felt uneasy when I didn’t have a glass in my hand. It was as though that driver crashing somehow resembled me, and I did not want to end up like him. I stopped drinking that weekend and asked God to help me walk away for good.
Walking away from men was a little less theatrical than going sober. I had just gotten to a point where I was no longer amused by men and their antics, and I just sought after God. For weeks after the accident, I was forced to work a limited schedule and undergo physical therapy… all while preparing to move back home. A few days after moving, I was fired from my job, so my thoughts were not centered on what a man could do for me. I threw myself into my writing and sharing my testimony, but that’s what mattered most to me. Along the way, God blessed me with opportunities to share my story, and I was consumed with all of that. Alcohol was gone, and God had tamed my appetite for male attention.
But my appetite for food remained.
Before the crash of 2017, I had adopted a vegan lifestyle, and even today, I am still learning more and more each day. Weight was beginning to fall off, and in 2018, I had reached my lowest weight ever- 164 pounds. I felt amazing … or so I thought. In the weeks after completing a 5k in 2019, I fainted in my home for some unknown reason. When I arrived at the hospital, I found out that I had a mild heart murmur and gallstones. Something about that entire experience made me nervous, and I chose to abandon the healthy lifestyle that I had created. I stopped exercising as much, I began to eat carbs/starches again, and returned to began dating again. (In other blogs, I have shared about those relationships.) Next thing I knew, COVID hit, and like many others around the world, my waistline grew as the shutdown endured.
Over the past six years, I have watched my weight slowly increase week by week, month by month, and year by year. At first, the increase was small and inconsequential, but then it grew to me stepping on the scale and seeing 238 pounds in August 2025. Over the years, with God’s help, I had managed to silence the urge to drink, and He blessed me with a wonderful man with whom I am sharing my life. I have come full circle in many ways, and I am forever grateful.
Yet even with all that I’ve been able to silence, the call for food out-yells them all.
Two weeks ago today, I had an endoscopic procedure that revealed a diagnosis of Bile Reflux, prompting the need for an immediate lifestyle change.
Omeprazole.
Sucralfate.
Vitamin D.
Those are the pills that my doctor instructed me to begin. While there was nothing overwhelmingly alarming seen within the scope, the pain that I was experiencing indicated that, without changes, the pain would not only be my constant friend, but it could also cause more damage within my body. This time is different; this time, if I do not make changes, my life could be in jeopardy. Quite literally, my food choices are destroying my body, ruining my teeth, draining my finances, and killing my mental health.
So, I turn to God.
On my own, I am sure that I would not be able to reform my life’s choices to eat healthily and achieve balance in my life. As such, I am not doing this on my own. I am surrendering my health, my diet (food choices), and medical appointments to God. I can’t fight addiction on my own, but with God, recovery is real.
If you or someone you know is battling addiction, please call 988 or visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
God Happened To ME Ministries, LLC 
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