Every semester, I ask my newest set of students the same question: “If you were given three wishes, where one of them could not be for more wishes, what would you wish for?” And every semester, it is very funny to see how close each student will go to approaching and crossing the line of wishing for more wishes. I think my favorite response came from a student who wished for a special journal and pen, where whatever she wrote in the journal would come true. To this day, that one still brings me joy.

While I don’t have access to a magical lamp and a genie to grant me wishes, I do have a Father in Heaven who- as I was recently reminded- hears all of my prayers and my heart’s desires and answers every time. Not to brag, but God does not ignore me. So why is that if I know there is so much power in my prayers- the power to call upon the full strength and might of our omnipotent God- I do not pray in faith more often?

Fear.

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To be completely honest, I’m not even sure if it is truly fear. Most of the time, the answer to every question that pertains to me is fear.

Fear of complacency.
Fear of failure.
Fear of losing control.
Fear of appearing weak.
Fear of appearing too strong.
Fear of displeasing/upsetting others.
Fear of rejection.

As an adult with ADHD who is finally medicated and more knowledgeable of her condition, I now understand that all of that is tied to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is intense emotional pain linked to ADHD. Yep, that darn disorder is causing more dis-order in my life! Every waking moment of my day, I wrestle with intense feelings of inadequacy and rejection, feelings that speak louder than the soft, still voice of my loving Father. And, try as I might, I can’t seem to silence them before they cause (what seems like) irreparable damage to my life.

So to limit the thoughts in my head, I often remain silent and opt not to have a moment of prayer. To limit the side conversations from the irrelevant thoughts in my head, I limit my prayer time and pray that the whole “He knows your heart” bit is enough to satisfy God. I know that sounds crazy, but to an extent, it made perfect sense to me.

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A few weeks ago, I rediscovered the meaning (and therefore, power) of my name. Michelle, which means “who is like God?” and Lisa, which means “God is my promise,” are the names that my parents chose to gift me almost 40 years ago. Together, they boldly declare that not only is God sovereign and no one compares to Him, but that He also will fulfill the promises He has spoken over my life. Divinely, my parents selected a first and middle name for me that would set the trajectory of my entire life, even though they could not see the entire path. They had faith and trust in God above all else.

What I also like about my name is that it subtly says that God has promises and is a promise over my life. I was reminded of this on that same day when I stumbled upon an old blog of mine (click HERE). Although I had no concrete way of knowing, I had faith that God was about to do something powerful in my life. From a place of [seemingly] brokenness, I trusted that God would fulfill a promise over my life. Reading that blog almost eight years later, I gasped at the reality of that one-time thought. God really had done just what He said!

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Today, I am writing from a similar place of faith. There are several areas of my life where God has already spoken to me, but fear has me a bit nervous for the next step. Even as I write this, I am wrestling with understanding what my career looks like because while I know that God clearly said my time in the classroom was coming to an end, potential RIFs and losses have me anxious to see how that will all impact me. I know that it can be so very hard to trust God when we can’t see the entire puzzle design. Looking at the scattered pieces before us, everything can appear so overwhelming, disjointed, and confusing. Yet there is good news!

In 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, Paul wrote, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

Beloved, that’s your joy right there. No matter how life presents itself to us in any given moment, we do not have to be overwhelmed or afraid. God has told us many times in His Word that we are not alone and He is always with us.

Trust Him... anyway.

Be blessed.