Funny thing is, for as bad as my memory is, I never seem to forget to worry.

One of the downsides of having ADHD is having a terrible memory. And to be very honest, I feel like my memory has worsened since beginning Strattera back in August. Before then, I knew I had forgotten some things here and there, but now it seems like the only things I remember are the ones I write down immediately. My memory had appeared to be deteriorating over time, and because worrying was (is) so innate to me, I assumed that I was showing early signs of Dementia. Yes, I realize how ridiculous that is, but at the time, I understood Dementia better than I understood ADHD. When I started taking Strattera, I assumed that everything related to ADHD would magically melt away and that I would be typical, neurotypical, that is. I assumed that all of the negative aspects of my personality would fade, and what would remain would be this even more beautiful Michelle. Well, the only problem with that theory is that I did not fully comprehend what ADHD did to M.E.

As it turns out, when an ADHDer starts medication to help with their diagnosis, while their focus may improve, it will be at the cost of their memory. You see, their mind becomes so focused on the task(s) ahead of them that it chooses not to hold onto information that it does not believe is immediately relevant. And my precious mind has decided that 95% of what it processes does not need to stay long-term (that’s just a rough percentage, not built on anything factual). But even with a sliver of a 5% margin, my beloved mind believes that there is more than enough room for it to remember to worry… about everything.

Bruh.

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Many moons ago, while at a medical appointment with my mother, the doctor told us that after reviewing all of my test results, they saw no evidence of a medical issue and that I needed psychological, not medical, support. While the comment was innocuous in nature, it has always stayed with me, gnawing at me and urging me to recall it every day of my life. I can never forget that experience; I will never forget that appointment. You see, that was the day that I believe the seeds of worry and doubt were planted within my heart and mind… and that was the day that I no longer trusted my own mind. Some 20+ years later, I see how that moment changed my life forever.

With a new year knocking at our door, many of us will make the decision to begin/resume a health routine. According to an article by Forbes Magazine from December 2023, almost 50% of survey respondents stated that their goal for 2024 was to improve their fitness. We always set a lofty goal in December/ January that, unfortunately, many abandon by the start of February. This is why gyms run promotions around this time of year, locking us into contracts that we seldom read, with the intent of capitalizing on our fleeting desire to honor those whimsical resolutions. And every year, without fail, we fall for the marketing scheme. This is such a known phenomenon that true gym folks know to exercise patience in January, because the crowds will thin out in a few short weeks. Again, being brutally honest, I have been included in that number for several years of my life. I have ended one year with the desire to go full-out gym freak, and then slowly pull away from my membership as the months wear on. I always set out to do/be better, but I often fall flat on my face with failure.

However, I need this year to be different…

The seeds of doubt that were planted in my mind were watered and nurtured by many other events in my life have taken root in the core being of who I now am as a woman. I now wear doubt and worry on me as though they are the chainmail that I wear as I fight the day ahead of me. However, unlike protective gear, this chainmail guards my heart and mind from believing the truth and having faith in the goodness of our God. The doubt doesn’t just block my blessings, it blocks me from even believing that a blessing is possible… that it is even real.

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As 2026 stretches across the horizon, I am wholeheartedly asking God to mend my mind. The almost four decades of pain have left me beyond bruised for the wear, and I am so worn out. Years ago, I welcomed Christ into my heart, and He has dwelt there ever since. Well, now I desperately need Him to dwell in my mind, as well. For if He is there, there will be no room for that which is not of Him. I am asking God to help me heal from the words, actions, and memories that have haunted me over the years. I am asking God to help me remember and recall His goodness and His Word. I am asking Him to help me lay aside the worry that so easily befalls me. I am extending His domain.

Yes, I know that the plans God has for me are wonderful beyond words and that they are for my good (Jeremiah 29:11), yet I tend to forget that when worry takes hold of me. It’s as though when worry has me bound, it opens the door for doubt to come in and just stink up the room with unnecessary fear. It is a downward spiral that eventually leads to stress, lost sleep, and stolen peace. And for 2026 (and beyond), I’m taking my peace back. Hmm, and while I’m at it, I’m taking my joy back, too. I am reclaiming all that the Lord has promised me in His word. In the modified words of that famous J.G. Wentworth commercial, “it’s my [promise], and I want it now!”

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Beloved, it is my prayer that we end 2025 stronger than we have ever been. Not because everything is perfect, but simply because our God is. May His perfect providence of peace protect us from the attacks of the enemy and guard us as we navigate life. For all our remembering, let us remember this: God + us = the Majority… we will win!

Be blessed.