As I scrolled through emails and financial records, I found myself disgusted at the amount of money that I had wasted over the course of my life. Money, that had it been used differently, could have secured my financial and emotional independence by this point in my life.

---

For years, I was absolutely terrified to get on more medication for my mental health concerns. I was worried that what had happened to me on the Lexapro would happen to me again, and that fear caused me to run with the quickness from the thought of ever taking another prescription medication. Yet when 2025 began, I felt a shift in my spirit as I received God’s words that this year I would truly find balance in my life. Granted, at the time, I had no clue what God meant specifically, but as the months passed and I heard God telling me to step away from one thing after another, I listened just as intently as He beckoned me to trust Him.

Enter Strattera.

For the past five years, I have been seeing the same therapist with the most amount of regularity that I have ever had. He has been a true God-send, as he accepts me for who I am and where I was on the healing journey, while also challenging me to faithfully travel on that journey with God. He is not a spiritual counselor, but he is a Christian, and I believe God connected us for a reason. Earlier this year, we discussed that it was time to revisit the medication conversation. He understood my hesitation, but also knew that I needed more help than just prayer. In his professional opinion, he knew that if my impulsivity and hyperactivity were properly managed, I could truly find success in my life. Naturally, he was correct. In the nine weeks that I have been on medication, I have seen a dramatic change in my personality, my thinking, and my behavior. All signs are pointing towards exactly what God promised at the beginning of this year- balance.

However, I did not come here today to point out the obvious truth that God lives up to His promises; instead, I came to tell you about what I have learned since trusting Him on this journey.

You know that adage that says, “God has already given you everything that you need to succeed”? Well, turns out, it is really true! For decades, I asked God for MORE- more money, more time, more peace. I felt like I did not have enough, and I just needed Him to bless me with more so that I could be the successful person that I knew He wanted me to be. My earnest prayers bordered prayers of desperation as I continued to plead with God to do more for me than He already had. Although never spoken in a tone of disrespect, it was very presumptuous of me to assume that God was simply sitting in heaven, waiting to bless me with more, when I clearly couldn’t handle what He had already given me. God had promised to be my Jehovah Shalom, but my mismanagement of the time and money that He had given me caused me way more stress than one should endure. I was literally drowning in my decisions, and I needed to be rescued one last time…

Although I have been on Strattera, a prescription medication for ADHD, for nine weeks, this past Friday, it wasn’t until this past week that I finally saw how wasteful I had been. For reasons beyond my own comprehension, I was heavily scrutinizing my expenditures over the past few years. In doing so, I noticed just how much money I had thrown away on impulsive decisions such as junk food, random shopping sprees, and a ton of Amazon Prime “deals.” Whether it was with a credit card or my debit card, I swiped/inserted/tapped with no regard as to where that money was coming from or what I was sacrificing to make that spur-of-the-moment purchase. In hindsight, I have thrown away hundreds of thousands of dollars over the past 21 years (just counting my adulthood years) because I literally had no control over my mind due to ADHD.

Here’s the thing about mental illness and dysregulation- they are real. You cannot respond to physical things that are happening in one’s mind and body by simply saying, “Pray about it.” Nor can you heal those matters by ignoring them. Mental health is often disregarded by the very populations that it impacts the most. With October being ADHD Awareness Month, I am led to clearly state this: I am a Christian, a beloved child of the Most High God, and I live with ADHD. I say that because so often the story is told that if one’s faith were stronger, illness (whether physical or mental) would not prevail. Yet as a Christian, I can turn to God and find peace in Him as He strengthens me through my mental health and physical struggles. And when I do turn to Him, He always leads me towards earthly support that will help me here. That help could be a medical professional, a brother/sister in Christ, a close friend, a family member, King, or, in this case, medication. Regardless of the type of earthly support needed or given in a particular moment, it serves as a way to help me find balance and stability in my life, and I am forever grateful for it.

---

While I have no athletic abilities whatsoever, recently I have found myself drawn to one particular event at the Olympics- gymnastics. OK, yes, Simone Biles’ continued dominance in that sport has brought many sets of eyes to the events, and I am not ashamed to say that my eyes are among those numbers. Of all of the different events on display at any time, my favorite of all is the Balance Beam. It never ceases to amaze me how she (or anyone) can get on a single piece of wood (I mean, that is what it is) and not only maintain their balance, but also perform a whole dance routine. Gymnasts skillfully mount the beam, planting their feet securely on it, and then artistically and rhythmically move from one side to the other, equally displaying their talent while also wowing the masses. As we watch, we often hold our breath, too afraid that taking a breath will cause us to miss the beauty of the performance. The gymnasts have captivated our very being, and we understand that there is an incredible amount of giftedness that allows them to do what we see happening before our eyes.

Beloved, that is how I feel about my life right now. It is not easy, but I feel as though I have now been equipped with the skills and tools needed to conquer life’s balance beam. With God by my side and His Spirit dwelling within me, I can stand on that beam and gracefully traverse over the storms of my life. While situations are difficult and my bruises are not visible to all, I am grateful that because of God, I can deliver a final product that is reflective of all that is within me.

Thank You, Lord, for gracing me through this season and them all.

Be blessed, Beloved.