I think what hurts the most is that my “marriage” was celebrated more than my mental health was acknowledged.

---

On the 15th of this month, as I was waiting to board a flight to Las Vegas, I posted a short 5-second video clip of a white dress and some luggage with a caption that said, “We know the odds but believe they are in our favor!” I tagged King in the post and just watched as the video got well over 3,000 views, and hundreds of comments and reactions. Independent of social media, King and I both got texts and calls from our closest friends, asking us to confirm that we were indeed getting married. The congratulatory calls, texts, and posts carried on all weekend and even into Monday morning as I was at work. By 1 pm on Monday, I had been confronted by 10 people with both questions and congratulations. People were intrigued; they cared, and it showed in all that they did. Yet later that night, when I was LIVE with King on our weekly show, I was overwhelmed with emotions as I realized just how many people cared about my “nuptials”, versus the number of people who had reached out to me about my mental health struggles.

My journey has not been silent nor has it been easy. Ever since Sunday, April 16, 2017, I have been VERY open about all of my struggles and the weight of those struggles on my overall mental health. I have shared it all in the hopes that God would be glorified and someone could heal from their pains with Christ, just as I was trying to heal. However, in my eight years of ministry, I have never received as much support, care, concern, or contact as I did with that one post about a “wedding” dress.

Despite my pain, I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. Maybe what I viewed as cathartic transparency necessary for healing was interpreted as overshare and too burdensome for every single person who saw it. Maybe what I viewed as necessary information for people to be set free from their own struggles was actually viewed as “too weighty” for others to consume. Maybe my truth- like me- was too much for people. So when I finally shared information that was not too much, people were elated for the break in my depressive posting. That has to be it because if it’s not, that means that people care more about marriage than they do mental health. And that would be devastating.

So here I am, transparent for those who dare care. It is the last Monday in August and Day 24 of me being on [the generic version of] Strattera. This medication, which was prescribed to help me with my ADHD symptoms, has helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined. One of the greatest effects of the medication is my newfound, high level of “I don’t care.” Before deciding to start this medication, I read about all of the possible side effects and used ChatGPT to help me see if this was really a path that I wanted to pursue. One of the pieces of information that I read said that it is common for people on Strattera to experience emotional flattening or withdrawal. Basically, unmedicated, I experienced a range of emotions and reacted differently when overstimulated. However, now, I just don’t care. I don’t care about the opinions of others. I don’t care what others think of me. I simply just don’t care.

However, what I do care about is helping others reach a place of healing. For that person who believes that they must appease those around them- Beloved, you do not. You have to live the life that God has given you, tuning out the words and opinions of others.

As I retreat into my cocoon of healing and self-reflection, I say to you what I have often said before- heal, by any means necessary.

Be blessed.

---

P.S.- No, King and I did not get married, and yes, I am still a whole and beautiful woman even if I am unmarried.