Healing: a mirror moment

As I stood in the bathroom running oil through my locs and speaking life into them, I took the same oil and placed my hand over my heart, asking the Lord to heal and restore that, too.

I grew up in the Black Baptist church back in the 90s. In case you are unfamiliar with that, it means that I grew up believing Sunday mornings and afternoons were dedicated to God, a fish fry was the primary way to raise money, and anointed oil had healing powers. The oil didn’t need to be fancy or expensive; it just needed to be prayed over and then applied to the person or thing with even more prayer and a ton of faith. In fact, it wasn’t the oil that healed people (or things), it was the prayer in unwavering faith that, through the power of God, healed and restored in a way that many may never believe. Yet in that moment, as I looked in the mirror, I knew that I was in need of a healing that only God could give, and it needed to start in my heart.

Beloved, where are you hurting right now?

For me, I am slowly but surely beginning to realize that I cannot do everything on my own and that my body needs rest. I have been indulging in unhealthy habits for years, thinking that there would always be time for me to slow down or take it easy. I truly believed that my “mental health days,” which were few and far between, were enough to balance out the extremely busy schedule that consumed my life. Fun fact: I was wrong. My body has been not-so-silently crying out for rest, and I have been ignoring it. Getting sick for the third time in three months helped me to see that something had to give- either my body or my schedule- and for once, I chose my body. I chose to honor my body by relaxing my schedule, stepping away from activities, saying “NO” for my peace of mind, and showing up for M.E. And I get it, this looked weird and “unlike me” to those around me. Yet I challenge that thinking by asking, why is it weird when someone finally chooses to put their own health and wellbeing before the needs of others? Yes, I know that Jesus didn’t do it, but He was also perfect and is the Son of God- we aren’t. We have physical and mental limitations that we must acknowledge if we want to go far in our work. However, I will also add that even Jesus took naps.

Standing in front of that mirror, I felt feelings of inadequacy rise within me. Feelings of self-doubt and confusion were consuming me, and I needed to find a way to rid myself of those destructive thoughts. The oil was standard hair oil, a combination of Jojoba and grapeseed, but in that moment, I prayed over it and my actions, and I cried out to God, asking Him to heal and restore my locs…and my heart. Both were broken and in need of repair. Both had been damaged for longer than I had noticed and could not survive in their current state. Both were rooted in goodness but had experienced trauma that left them scarred. Both needed God. So I prayed; first, I released all of the self-deprecation, and then I prayed for healing. Soon it wasn’t just a wash day for my hair; it was a cleansing day for my heart, too.

I, by no means, am a perfect person. My flaws have flaws, and if I am not careful, the pains of my past creep out, and depression can consume me. Yet what I am is transparent. I openly and without hesitation share my heart so that others may continue to see just how good God is…even in our imperfection. It is my prayer that we all have that mirror moment where we ask God to heal the places that only He can see. Heal them not so that we can continue in our own way, but heal them so that the work we do and the life we live will continue to honor Him and bring Him glory.

Beloved, in the name of Jesus, I speak HEALING over your heart today.

Be blessed.