Describe your dream chocolate bar.

Oh. Emm. Gee!!!! I have been waiting for someone to ask me this question for my entire life!!!!! This question alone keeps my dentist in business. He’s welcome.

Now, not to sound too stuck up, but I am a bit of a chocolate snob…on a budget. I have always loved a good Lindt or Godiva chocolate bar, believing that that chocolate was far superior to the Hershey bars that I grew up on. When I transitioned to a vegan lifestyle, giving up the chocolate of my youth was a painful blow to my sweet tooth. Yet each month as Aunt Flow prepares for her visit, I make the same request- an IV bag full of chocolate that just gets infused into me. And since that cannot happen, I will settle for the chocolate bar below.

To me, the best chocolate bar has chocolate (obviously), caramel (is it CARE-uh-mel or CAR-mel???), and Rice Krispy bites… and here’s why. Chocolate, while delicious on its own, was meant to be paired with other deliciousness. Skip the fruit and the nuts; chocolate needed to be equally complemented by other items that can pack a punch and caramel is the best contender! Yet our dentists would stay swimming in dough if the chocolate bar only had chocolate and caramel, especially when paired with a lack of self-control like mine. So to break up that sweetness, we must add in buffer that was designed to delay but not deny flavor.

Enter the rice thingies.

Crunch Bar had it right all along. Giving us crunchy chocolate allows us to satisfy all of our senses at once, while still getting that chocolate fix that we need. The little rice thingies in there low-key make you feel like you are eating a comprehensive meal and I love that for us! Once we add caramel to that- *chef’s kiss*- now we’re in business, baby!

In hindsight, I probably should have skipped this prompt. I’m currently at work (I’m a high school teacher) and I’m halfway through my daily 2-mile walk. I am nowhere near chocolate and writing this post has me now desiring some deliciousness. I am now forced to spend the rest of the day, yearning for something that I cannot have, knowing that somewhere out there, someone is reading this and enjoying the yummies that evade me. So, to you, Gentle Reader, I make this simple plea:

MAIL ME SOME CHOCOLATE, PLEASE 🙏🏽😋 😭