Sometimes, I just need a breather.

It was the first Saturday night in weeks that I didn’t have anything on my schedule. I wasn’t preparing for anything big and I did not feel the weight of anxiety sitting on me like a ton of bricks. For the first time in a long time, I felt… free. As I waited for a load of laundry to finish, I devised a plan to honor the feelings I was experiencing in the moment.

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A M.E. Day.

Full disclosure, typically when I declare that I am taking a M.E. Day, it’s because something is wrong and I seek to carve out some time to find myself again. The first time that I put “M.E. Day” on the calendar, it was a play on my name (Michelle Early) and a way for me to let my family know that I wanted to be left alone. I stayed in the house, avoided phone calls, and just laid in bed for the entire day. The biggest thing to note is that typically M.E. Days were critical breaks so that I could retain a modicum of sanity amid immense busyness and mental distress. Yet this time was different. This time I did not feel anxious, I did not feel like I was running away from anything, and I did not feel broken. Instead, my desire for the day was coming from a place of love, appreciation, and respect… for myself.

To be perfectly honest, the past few days leading up to this decision had been quite stressful. Between PMS, anxiety about dental work, and overall work stress, I had a lot on my plate and I was struggling to get a good grasp of it all. King was still recovering post-surgery (and a gout flare up) and I was adjusting to the fact that he would no longer “need” my help with anything. (Can we acknowledge that for a moment? Being a caregiver for someone that you love is a BLESSING beyond words! Although it can be all-consuming and often come with a lack in self-care, when it is time to step out of that role, it can be more emotionally taxing than actually caring for another.) I had just barely made it through the week kicking and screaming, fighting off so much on my mind that by the time Saturday night had arrived, I was grateful to finally be at peace. A conversation with God from two nights before had caused me to accept that some difficult days would be ahead of me in this season, but He reminded me that I would not be alone because He would be with me. More than any sermon, those direct words from God soothed my soul and allowed me to find sweet rest and relief. As Saturday night drew to its end, I was experiencing a peace like I had never felt before and it felt so beautiful.

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Beloved, I am not perfect. I struggle with things that should be getting easier with time and I have an annoying habit of doubting the M.E. that God created me to be. The more that I try to please everyone all around me and live up to their beliefs about who I should be, the more I struggle with my identity and struggle to find peace. Yet that Saturday night it was as though my mind finally caught up with my heart and I finally felt the freedom that I had so long been longing for. I felt free to just be M.E.

Finally, I could breathe again.
Finally, I could move freely again.
Finally, I could live for God again.

With everything that has happened in the United States thus far in 2025, I know that I got lost in a sea of depression and I felt myself drowning in the despair of it all. It was beyond exhausting! Waking up every day and being consumed with darkness drained me in a way that I cannot even begin to describe with mere words. I was lying to myself, others, and God with each labored breath that I took. I so desperately wanted to be whole and healed but trying to do that the way that others wanted me to do it was only making life more difficult for me. Fifty-five days into this new year and I am over everyone else. Respectfully, of course. It is amazing how one decision to finally unapologetically love M.E. has set me on the path toward healing in a way that I could have never foreseen in a million years.

Finally, I have learned to breathe again.
And with that newfound breath, I give God all the praise.

Take that needed rest.
Let’s breathe, Beloved.

Be blessed.