“Lord, if You cannot remove my enemies from my life, then please prepare a table for me in their presence.”– M.E.

As I was supposed to be preparing for bed one Tuesday night, the conversations I had had in previous months with others came flooding back to my mind like a stampede. Initially, I cried in despair, begging God to remove those thoughts from my mind and even going as far as to journal, asking Him to silence my voice because it seemed like whatever I said was never good enough and I was always misunderstood. Yet in that moment as I looked at the still-clean mirror and saw my clear reflection of who and Whose I am, I realized the truth that had been there all along- this was God’s time to shine.

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Beloved, it’s so much bigger than just you.

I have a confession. Every blog post that I’ve published this month was written over a three-day period at the beginning of this month. The early dismissal and closures of school/work due to inclement weather left me with a lot of time at home to just sit and write. And thanks to my new laptop from my Love, I did not have to fight and fuss with a slow processor that could not keep up with my creativity. Yet that particular Tuesday night I had sent a text message to several people and my intent was not well received. Intent vs. Impact. For me, it was the second time in two days that I had communicated with this group of people, and had felt like my message (and by extension, my voice) had been ignored in the sea of their own opinions. If you remember my post from last week, when I feel like I am ignored or alone, I retreat further into my hole, removing access to me from the outside community. It is sooooo extremely unhealthy, yet for many years, it felt like the right thing to do. Like any shelled animal or creature, if I retreat back to my shell in the face of danger, I cannot be harmed. However, while it is true that I cannot be harmed in that particular attack, that does not mean that the danger is not still waiting for me to re-emerge from my shell. Help me Holy Spirit!

That night- just hours after finalizing and scheduling my post from last week- I cried into my own arm before pulling out my journal to talk to God. You see, writing in my journal is not just my way of recalling the day’s events, it is specifically my way of talking to God. My memory is trash (most times) and my ADHD makes it hard for me to concentrate for a long time so writing in a journal to God allows me to fully get my thoughts out in a way that I can later recall if needed. I wrote to God and begged Him to sit me in a wilderness season and to silence my voice for a bit (I know; crazy, right???) so that I could learn how to communicate more effectively with those in my path. From the moment that I was gliding my hand across the paper to write “silence” God practically screamed at me in slow motion to not write such a foolish request. He had to immediately remind me that my voice is the very gift that I fought so hard to find and have for over 30 years of my life after losing access to it for the first eight years of my life. He reminded me that my voice has been used to both sing praises to Him and help introduce Him to others. In the time that it took me to selfishly write those words, God showed me a glimpse of what the world would look like if I lost my voice, and, not to be arrogant, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

One message that we have all heard long enough in the church is that God did not save us, just for us. God saved us so that others may be set free by the same grace that freed us (read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4… the scripture in my logo). God desires for us all to be free in Him and through the voice unique to each of us, we are able to help lead others to Christ. My deliverance was never about M.E.. Christ saved me, and called me out of my muck and mire clay, but not for me… it was so that someone could know just how far and to what limits Christ was willing to go to reclaim His people.

Thank You, Lord!

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Now back to that night. After God humbled, corrected, and admonished me (also known as I repented), He reminded me of His words in Psalm 23:5. Sweet Friend, when God has called you to do something that others cannot even dream about, you become a target to that person/those people. Your very existence is bothersome to them and they will always find fault in everything that you do. You will get talked about, you will become ostracized, you will be made the “enemy” in their eyes… and their feelings about you will spread like fire in all the spaces that you dwell. But do not be discouraged and do not be dismayed for God is with you (Isaiah 41:10). Don’t forget that Jesus was the Rock that was rejected that eventually became the Cornerstone and He was despised by His own, too. When God called you (yes, YOU, Friend), He knew the opposition that would await you and He made provisions for you even then. We cannot be fan-favorites of God and this world, too; someone is bound to find fault in what we do and my preference is for that One to not be God.

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Beloved, as Paul stated in 2 Corinthians 12:7, sometimes God will remove thorns from our flesh (enemies from our path), whereas other times he will leave the thorn in (keep the enemy around). We have to remember that we “wrestle not against flesh and blood but rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12).” That means that the situation, person, thorn, or whatever is before us is NOT designed to destroy us. It is a prayer point- that thing that causes us to seek God in prayer for ourselves and others continually.

So, if God cannot remove the problem (and understand that “cannot” is not about His abilities but instead about His overall will for our lives) then ask Him to continue to strengthen you for the battle ahead. And when all is said and done, enjoy the feast of favor that He will lovingly and graciously prepare for you before the presence of your enemies.

Bon appetit!

Be blessed.