And as I listened to her, I realized one fact that my heart will never forget: we often limit others based on our own fears.

Ouch.

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Baltimore is very much located in the Eastern Coastal state of Maryland but, in case you have never visited, Baltimore is not near a beach. Yes, Baltimore is within one hour of man-made bodies of water, but Ocean City, Rehoboth, and Virginia Beach are a solid 2.5-4 hours away from my hometown and to someone born into poverty, they might as well have been light years away. When my mother brought into her piece of the American Dream back in 1995 or 1996, that home on East Belvedere Avenue represented the beginning of so many new opportunities and joys, as it closed the book on the pains of Pentland Drive. We were elated and anxious to meet our new neighbors! Because of the way Baltimore zoned their public school students, I would still be attending the same elementary school even from our new home yet this place had one thing that the prior home did not- access to a pool!

I remember the day that my then-best friend Georgia- a girl born in America to Greek parents- and her sisters had decided to walk over to the pool. They were able to get in with ease but I for some reason was not able to. Later I found out that although the pool’s entry was literally in the alley behind our home, it was not a public pool and not everyone was allowed to use it. Even at that young age I knew that wasn’t right. I couldn’t pinpoint what the “wrong-ness” was about it, but it always troubled me. Back then, I had realized that people treated me differently because my mother was Jamaican, an immigrant, but so were Georgia’s parents so it wasn’t about ethnicity. Sure enough, ethnicity wasn’t the issue that had denied my admittance into that pool, it was race. Recalling that today some 29 years later, is just as painful as it was to realize and live it then.

Yet at that time, I did not know what I know now. I did not know that water was God’s way of speaking to my heart and that He healed me in the most unusual way when I just presented myself before His throne and let Him be God all by Himself. Despite not living near a beach, God created so many opportunities for me to be near large bodies of water. From being “forced” to take 2 years of swimming in high school (fun fact, I still can’t swim), to the church trips to the man made beaches every year with my home church- God made it so that I was always near Him. So when I was talking to my niece, Butterfly, last week and she confessed that she had never been to a beach, I had to pause and sincerely ask myself how that could ever be true.

Answer: her mother (an Islander, mind you) is afraid of water.

I love my sister dearly, yet I recognize a similarity between her and my mother- unknowingly, they have put limits on their children because of their own fears. The list of my fears and hesitations is too great to name and most of them reflect a fear that my mother either implicitly or explicitly expressed to me.

• I hug the left side of the road when driving because of an encounter that I had as a teenager when my mother was teaching me how to drive.
• I have a deathly fear of an animal because my mother has a fear of that animal.
• I struggled with finding and using my own voice, as my mother continues to struggle with using hers.

Sometimes I think we either forget or underestimate the power of influence that we hold over people. What we do (or don’t do), say (or don’t say), allow (or don’t allow) has the power to not only dictate how others will treat us, but also impact the reality that is created for those in our charge. As leaders, parents, teachers, and mentors, we are thermostats, setting the temperature by which others will live. We have to live a life of meaning, integrity, and honor because someone is watching us and learning from our actions… and inaction. Beloved, this is not me saying that we should be (or are even capable of being) perfect, but this is me saying that we should use our Strengths for good, never be defined by our Weaknesses, look for Opportunities to grow, and identify Threats (or flaws) in our character that prohibit growth.

S.W.O.T.

Forever the Business teacher, I see everything around me from that S.W.O.T. lens. Performing that analysis and performing it often helps me to continue to live with a growth mindset and work towards breaking free of the fears and limitations that I have allowed to define me for so long. And that’s where GRACE comes in. Grace says that whatever I need, God will supply and whatever I lack, He is; His grace is sufficient for me at all times.

In hindsight I look back and truly ask myself, “where would I be if I had allowed that encounter at the pool to prevent me from going towards water again?” For if I had, I might not have a healthy way to find peace and tranquility amidst life’s difficulties. Yes, God is my peace, but even with that truth, having a physical or mental place to retreat to commune with God is essential. I don’t know what that place/thing will be for Butterfly, but I know that as her auntie, I must introduce her to the place that brings me joy…

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As the sun sets on 2024, I am humbled by the realization that fear does not define me, only my Father does. My Father has already called and equipped me for every situation that I will ever enter and His will is the only limit in my sight. Sweet friend, let’s do a [figurative] trust fall today.

Rise to your feet wherever you are, close your eyes, and [figuratively] release. Release your fears, release your failures, and release your desires into the waiting arms of our Abba. I promise you, He will catch them all and He will never let you fall.

Be blessed.