Hey Alexa; play “Good as hell” by Lizzo.

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Whew; as it turns out, I am the toxic one! (Or at least the one with toxic-adjacent tendencies.)
After I had finished writing my post for last week, God stepped in to help me heal. If you remember, I mentioned that after receiving what I believed was devastating news, I sought God in the place where I hear Him the loudest, at the banks of an ocean. Yet after convening with Him, feeling the warmth of His touch and the breath of His being, I left that place with only a promise that He would soon reveal my next steps… and that He did!

Later that night, I spoke to one of my dear Line Sisters. The original intent of her call had absolutely nothing to do with me. She had called about another matter and when she asked how my life was going, I suffered from a bad case of verbal diarrhea and let everything flow out. As is her nature, she listened intently, reserving all judgment and patiently waiting for her opportunity to speak. And when she did, I felt like Mack from the hit movie “The Shack” and God was speaking to me in the exact manner that He knew I needed in order to best receive His word. Beloved, the words that my Line Sister spoke to me were undeniably from God, as they reaffirmed truths that He had already spoken to me both through His Holy Word and other events in my life. I want to share the essence of our conversation in a way that allows us to all dine on the fruit of His words forever. Enjoy.

• “This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger…”- James 1:19. When I had received that text message from my loved one, I was instantly filled with anger and feelings of betrayal. In my anger, I could not see how one could ever think that this could possibly be the best solution for the problem that existed. Clearly, more help was needed and I was frustrated that none of the affected parties could see what I could see. In speaking to my Line Sister, I was humbled by the realization that I was only seeing the situation through my own pain. She also encouraged me to not yet speak to the person who had hurt me, but to extend grace, and revisit later when I can speak from a place of love.
• “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”- Romans 3:23. Not only do hurt people, hurt people, but we also think that we are perfect and have never hurt anyone else in our life. In some ways, that was definitely me. All of my pain had blinded me from seeing that my pain had made me bitter over the years and now all of those around me were drinking the bitter poison of my tainted cup. Unintentionally, I was hurting so many other people by refusing to fully let go of hurts that had haunted me for all of my 38 years of life.
• “ For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places”- Ephesians 6:12. This was never about me. Yes, I am the one in the situations and, yes, I have made my share of mistakes, Yet some things are beyond me. Even dating back to Biblical times, sin has plagued us and we have been slaves to it all. Since this behavior predates any of us, it stands to reason that it is beyond us and there is something bigger than us all. Because this problem is bigger than us, we can’t turn to our inner self to fix this- we have to submit to God and let Him do the removing and restoration.

And, Beloved, as if I needed any further confirmation of His word to me, God allowed my pastor to preach the exact same word to me last Sunday. I stood in silence as my pastor stood at the sacred lectern reading the scripture passage that had just been deposited into my spirit the day before. And then when my pastor pretty much said word-for-word what my line sister had spoken the night before, I could not do anything but give God praise.

Two people.
One message.
One God.
Praise be to God!

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While I know the song that I listed earlier is a very secular song, that is the first song that popped into my head when I started writing this piece. When I released the weight of unforgiveness, I truly felt GOOD, better than good, actually! I felt like a woman with a new lease on life and my heart has just been singing in sheer jubilee ever since.

Sweet friend, there is something so beautiful that happens when we step back and allow God to work within us. For me, what I am currently feeling is a feeling of rest. In letting go of the expectations that others have of me and releasing the desire of perfection from others, I have felt a level of inexplicable peace and abundant joy. This is my prayer for you, too!

As October comes to an end, I reflect on His “Grace in storms.” That was the theme for my journal entries this month and I have been humbled by how God has continued to reveal just that- His presence and His grace in the midst of everything that I was going through. With every piece of news that has come across my literal and figurative desk, God has continued to sandwich everything with His grace… and my soul has been grateful.

No matter what may happen in your life, always remember this: with God, you are BETTER than GOOD!