It was the spring of 1963.
Months before the assassinations of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and President John F. Kennedy, the riots in Birmingham, and much of the events of history that have shaped us today.
Months before that, a young woman by the name of Leslie Gore released a song that stands out to me today.

In her song, Leslie is portrayed as a teenage girl at her birthday party. Young and carefree, Leslie is thoroughly enjoying herself and the company of her friends when her boyfriend disappears and when he returns, she notices that he has given his ring to another young lady. Leslie, now a heartbroken teen on her birthday, does what any other teen would do and starts crying.

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to,
Cry if I want to,
Cry if I want to.
You would cry too if it happened to you!”

For what should be obvious reasons, I was not alive when this song was released but I have heard it in several shows over years and today of all days, it stands out in my heart.

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Tomorrow is my 38th birthday.

Much like Leslie Gore sang, I have a steady stream of tears flowing from me, both literally and figuratively. As I look back over my life, I stand in awe at how God has kept me, delivered me, and guided my life.

Decades of hurt.
Decades of stupidity.
Decades of rebellion.
Decades of confusion.
Decades of [unrealized] joy.

For this, I give God praise.

On the eve of my metaphorical birthday party, I have chosen to spend the day in reflection *holding the tissue for the tears*.

August was such a humbling month for me. With the start of a new school year- my ninth with the district and my fourth as a teacher of record- I trusted God and boldly declared that I was pursuing peace over perfection for the first time ever.

That’s a lot for me. For so long I lived my life under the belief that if things weren’t perfect, I would not be able to function properly. Turns out, the pursuit of perfection was draining me, slowly killing me with each step that I took. This year I finally followed my own advice and relinquished control, thereby releasing the desire (dare I say RESPONSIBILITY) to be perfect.

The perceived responsibility to be perfect was killing me.
August helped me to release it.
The desire to be all that everyone expected me to be.
August helped me to release it.
The thought that my fears would consume me.
August helped me to release it.

August was a month of JOYFUL GRACE and that grace is why I’m crying today [and tomorrow]. I am releasing and realigning my heart to God’s.

Thank You, Lord, for the blessings.
Thank You, Lord, for the lessons.
Thank You, Lord, for the years.
Thank You, Lord, for the tears.

So, it is my party.
And I’ll cry if I want to.

Be blessed.