Not me crying as I sat in a moment of confusion and anxiety! What I look like, doubting the words and promises of God?!

---

Beloved, this past weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the National Educators Association, Minority Leaders Training and Women’s Leaders Training Conference (whew! That’s a mouthful!), sitting in rooms with phenomenal educational Leaders from all over the eastern (and southern) portion of America. The Conference took place in my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland… and that’s where this entire story begins.

Healing isn’t linear

Despite beginning this healing journey back in 2017 and having made great strides with Christ, I am still struggling with being here, in the place where it all happened. Pause, Beloved, and process that. When you sit in the place where pain occurred, it is difficult- if not impossible- to heal. Yes, God will meet us in that broken place, but He desires to move us from it (often literally but always figuratively). For me, Baltimore still holds a lot of pain and with this being the first time since 2011 that I was staying in Baltimore overnight by myself, my anxiety level was on 1000% and I was actively having a panic attack as I packed Friday morning. I guess the signs of an impending anxiety attack were there because I was packing on the same day that I needed to depart (which is so unlike me!) and I was struggling to physically get dressed that day. Coming into Baltimore regardless of the part, always puts me on edge and I feel a heartache that I can’t even describe. Yet…

Healing happens here

Matthew 28:20 says that Jesus is with us always, even until the end of time, and holding on to that truth allows me to know that wherever I am, He is, and healing happens there, too. WHEW; that’s some good news! Yet this weekend I got an opportunity to see that in person. As I visited as a tourist in the city that reared and housed me for 25 years, I anticipated that this weekend would be way more difficult than it was. Truth is, God was here with me and He showed me His hand in healing by connecting me with other teacher-leaders who He divinely placed in my life so that we both could heal. Healing is such a beautiful part of life and I truly wish it for all. This weekend reminded me of God’s eternal love for me and two events from this weekend stand out the most:

1. On the first day, we watched a video that asked, “what is your WHY?” Prior to hearing that man ask, I thought I knew my why yet his question challenged me to not only consider my why for ministry, but also incorporate my why for teaching… realizing that teaching IS the vehicle by which I do ministry. I was humbled by this realization and I am eternally grateful.
2. I was able to connect with the cousin of one of my former high school teachers. While my relationship with my peers was a bit shaky, I loved my high school teachers. Better or worse, those educators helped me to push deeper into content and grow in preparation for the future. In connecting with this particular woman, I learned that her cousin (my former teacher) had passed away in 2016. In one “chance” encounter, God used me to help bring peace and joy to a familiar stranger… and He reminded me of the reach we have as educators.
   

Two powerful moments of healing and growth, birthed from a moment of perseverance in the presence of fear. God is good and I give Him praise.

Beloved, as you grow through this week, I challenge you to face moments of fear with faith in God and His presence in your life. Yes, fear greeted me on Friday morning, but faith reclaimed its rightful place in my heart. I love you, Beloved; let’s Heal in Faith.

Be blessed.